En lanun dh naik flight pkl 10 pg td. teman pun x sure berapa jam akan sampai ke Luton, but hopefully he arrives safe & sound, insya Allah and had enough rest before starting the course on Monday. So difficult seeing him packing his bags the other night, and so hard to let him go. Teman mmg mcm tu lah, x suka ditinggalkan mcm ni tp apa nk buat, org kata dah bini askar mcm tu lah. Balqis meraung2 nak ikut abah dia. teman pujuk lah nanti gi jln2 naik kereta kita mkn aiskrim. buat drama plak dia.. jiran2 pun ada dok tgk. teman takut teman plak yg menangis sama nanti. dlm umah dh nangis dh.
This 3 weeks are gonna be difficult & demanding, I know. Taking care of 2 small kids are very, how should I say, mencabar kesabaran. Although usually I'm the one whose going through all the trouble every night when it's time to sleep because, Balqis usually wanted me to sleep her, and Now that I have Auni it's kinda difficult to concentrate on Balqis only. Usually they both will cry & screaming for a good 2 hours, and then like a magic they both will fall asleep at the same time. Sorg nk suruh duduk sblh dia bobokkan, tepuk2 peha dia, yg lagi sorg x suka duduk, suka kena dokong sambil jln2. After they both asleep I'll be so exhausted I thought I could sleep but then again, the sleepiness has gone. Terkebil2 ngadap siling. En lanun said what to do, the kids don't need him and I looked like I could handle everything myself. But I need him. Guess the strong face I put up front deceived him.
Teman dh plan apa nk buat utk isi masa sepanjang ketiadaan En lanun ni. Teman ingat nk habiskan 2-3 novel yg en lanun belikan masa kt US dulu. then nk kemas baju2 di bilik bawah & atas. then nk baca majalah2 yg teman beli tp asyik x abis baca sbb sorok dr Balqis sampai naik terlupa. apa lagi yek. hmm. surf internet ( after the kids sleep ) sampai nk termuntah. ha ha. oklah tu. pejam celik pejam celik baliklah en lanun.
Teman dh call kedai gambar yg offer kerja designer tu. I said I had to refuse his offer. I said to him I was just being realistic, for I could get more than that just by staying at home and I wish him good luck with finding a designer, though I'm sure he or she will never be as good as me. ahak. masuk lif tekan sendiri. But then again, it's not about money. Never. How could I sacrife everything I have now for my own passion. That sounds selfish, right? Looking at my 2 daughthers now, sleeping so peacefully, I know I could. I have to. I have to let go.
Hari nk hujan. teman nk gi angkat baju.

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