- Wednesday, July 25, 2007

this past week had been so hard for me. Balqis' fever and coughing got so bad, until I had to take her to the hospital @ 3.30 am because she's burning and I just so afraid something might happen to her if I should wait until morning. The medical assistant inserted the pill into her bottom and told me to come again at 9 am to check on her condition. She's still hot that morning and when I arrived they took some blood from her hand. Pity her, I had to hold her because she cried and trying to wiggle herself because of the pain. After one hour the result came in and the doctor said there's nothing wrong with her, which means no infection or dengue or something like that so he told me to take her home, give a lot of water and continue the medicine they prescribed. Alhamdulillah... I've already packed a few of her things just in case she had to be hospitalized. I myself was not very well until today with running nose and constant headache. My mom came all the way from Melaka because she's worried about our condition and me especially with my pregnancy.


Today she's getting better, the temperature had reduced but the coughing is still there. But I was more concern about her appetite because she hardly eat at all, no matter what I cooked for her. Before this she ate whatever I served her, and I suspected this might have someting to do with her gum. I think, her teeth are showing therefore the gum must be tender to allow the tooth to grow. And you know how painful that is. I just hope I can make it all easier and less painful for her.. right now she just got her nutrition from the formula milk, and that's the best she can do. I know it's not enough because her body already 'shrinking' and all my neighbour said she's too skinny now compared to her previous shape.


I just hope this will past quickly and she'll regain her self back because seeing her right now so hopelessly and weak, I just can't stand it like I can do nothing to help her. Cepatlah sembuh syg....sian mak tgk akish gitu...




just lying on the mattress..

trying to get rid of the bandage

- Friday, July 20, 2007

Nowadays everything I eat will leave bad taste in my mouth-fish, chicken, squids, prawns, everything. I also have to be careful not to put too much of toothpaste when I brush my teeth or I'll go uwekk, uwekk and it's not very comfortable feeling. I guess it's coming to me, especially when I'm almost 12 weeks because I remembered when I was first pregnant with Balqis the nausea and uneasiness started just when I entered the 12th week and it continued almost 2 months. It went too bad until I couldn't drive to and back from work, I got dizzy everytime I enter the lift ( my office situated at the 11th floor, so you can imagine whenever I got out of the lift I'll go straight to the toilet to puke. I spent most of the time in the surau, my other 2 colleagues complained that they had to replaced me so many times when the user called for our help. And finally I quit. I guess it's not the smartest decision but it seems right at that time, En lanun too worried about me and asked me to move to Perak with him. That's how I got here, in the first place. But I guess if I didn't quit at that time I'll just have to do the same thing sooner or later, because just 9 months later our house was ready with the CF and everything. Plus I heard the company that bought our software had recently stop from using the software and our service is no longer needed there. I asked my x-colleague about it but he just answered it's all about politics and he just followed what my x-boss said to him. Pity him, now he's assigned to Kolej Islam at Kuala Sg Udang, that place was too far away ( I knew because i've been there before, working on their website and attending meetings with my x- boss ) but at least he still has a job.
I took Balqis to her 2nd last appointment last Wednesday and was suprised to find out that she had lost 700 gms from her last visit to the clinic. Now she weighted merely 8.9 kg. I noticed that lately she always wanted to eat by herself but the problem is, more food fell off to the floor than into her mouth and she refused to let me feed her. I also didn't make as much milk as I used to, that could be the other factor. But right now she has adjusted her tastebud :) and allow me to fed her with other spoon, and she still want to hold her own spoon. She also seems very much like the formula milk I bought for her. Now it's been more than 1 week she stop breastfeeding and so far she took the formula milk very well. Alhamdulillah.. Now I can have a much longer sleeping time, I have enough sleep and rest but it all might change soon, who knows. Kids. Just look at this picture below trying to wear my heel and walked around the house like she's so used to it.



- Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Today was a long journey for me, Balqis and definitely En Lanun. I woke up at 1.30 am and went straight to the kitchen to prepare something to eat in the car on our way. Balqis heard me fussing around in the kitchen and woke up so I just took her and after finished with the food I bathed her and after that had a shower myself. I put on nice clothes on her. Pity her, still looked a bit sleepy. After that I gently hold En lanun's hand and whispered that we had to prepare now because the driver will come soon to pick us up. He got up, took his bath and had double checked all his luggages, his passport and visa and everything are all packed up.


The driver arrived at 3.oo am sharp, as promised. The journey was smooth, Balqis slept almost through all the way until we arrived at KLIA at 6.08 am. We looked for the check in counter and the process took almost 45 minutes despite there weren't so many people at that time. So while waiting I went to the surau with Balqis and performed solat Subuh. After he finished he went to the surau and after that we all went to McD for breakfast. I preferred to eat nasi lemak but he said it costs more here so McD is a good alternatif. Not long after that his sister Kak Ros arrived with my in-law parents. We had breakfast, chatted a lot and although I was sitting next to him the whole time I felt already he's so far away and I thought I could never get enough of him. Since he talked alot with his sister & his parents I just sat there quietly watching him eating, his face, his hands, his ears, everything. The emotion inside was really, tumbling upside down but i tried to keep myself calm right until the moment he inside the boarding area. He kissed me on my forehead, kissed Balqis all over. She seemed alright, still have no idea of what was happening around her. We all waved at him while he went down the escalator. I almost cried... and then I just lost him in the crowd. Just my love and prayers for his safety and wellbeing all through his journey and during the course. It's going to be tough for him since this is his first time going to oversea to a country so stranger to him but I know he can do it; he always did no matter where he go whatever he do, he always do his best.
After that K ros sent my parents in law to Pudu to take a bus back to Melaka. I tried to contact the ZL driver but hi didn't pick up so I just sent a msg saying I'm done here and asked him when can he come and pick me up. I went to the special room for nappy changes ( Balqis has pooed ) and after that I breastfed her until she fell asleep. Lenguh jugak memangku dia, 10kg++ tau :) anyway at 9.15 the driver called me and said he's on the way to pick me but the traffic from Ampang to KLIA is quite heavy so it might took him 1 hour++ to get there. I said it's ok I'll wait for him. At least Balqis had one hour sleep, that will keep her quiet and not bugging me so much. The driver arrived at 10.30 am, we went straight home to Manjung. I felt a bit tired and hungry since Balqis breastfed all the way through the journey and everytime I tried to disengaged from her she cried and refused to do so. I changed her diaper again, performed Zohor prayer and tried to sleep but of course it's impossible when Balqis was not sleeping too so I laid her down or her matress, breastfed her (again) and soon she fell asleep, so did I. After one hour or so I woke up, took a bath, performed Asar prayer and started cooking something for dinner. Soon Balqis stirred and cried, I took her up but suprised to felt how hot she was. I tried to put her into the cradle and she slept again. Pity her.. must because she was so tired riding back and forth in the car. That night was a disaster, as expected. I hadn't sleep at all since she cried maybe feeling uneasy with her hot body. I had given her medicine and wet her hair with air asam jawa hoping she'll get better in the morning.
I thought I was ok, but I was wrong. The moment I stepped into the house, it suddenly hit me that my dearest husband is not here, on his way so far away from me and Balqis. The house suddenly felt too huge for the two of us. I tried not to cry, he'll come home soon but it didn't worked out. It didn't ease my mind. If I'm writing this on a piece of paper, you might not be able to read what I've been writing now. The tears must have smudged all the ink and everything would be blurred. Just like the way I felt inside. Maybe it just my hormon. He would be devastated if he knew I behaved like this. Bini askar dgn anak askar mesti kuat, he said :) I will, hon. I will.
Today Balqis is much better. I tried to stop Balqis from breastfeeding, as my mother urges me cause it's not good for me and the baby. So I tried. She woke up at 2.00 pm and I fed her with rice, omelette and veggy soup but she only ate 3-4 spoon. After that she started to poke me and wanted to breastfeed. I said no, I gave her eveyrthing- milk, milo, apple, but she refused all that and cried and cried. I tried to persuade her, hold her up, singing lullaby but she kept on crying. Finally after 1 hour 45 minutes she stopped as I fried some keropok lekor and she ate 3-4 slices. And then I made her watched tv, gave her a lot of water, so far so good. Later that evening I bathed her and took her out to play with my next door neighbour's kids. When we came back into the house I fed her again with rice and the veggie soup and she ate about 10 spoons. Then I quickly performed my prayer, cited Yassin and I noticed she's getting more quiet and her eyes getting red. Then I took my dinner and while I ate she laid down onto her matress and soon I found she's already fell asleep. Alhamdulillah... This is the longest time she hasn't breastfeed. We'll see how she's doing tonight. Hope she'll understand that this is the only way for me to stop her. I've read all about how to stop breastfeeding and all answers pointed out one thing: Let her cry. So that's what I'll do. Prayed so Allah will make me more patient about all this, insya Allah...

- Monday, July 02, 2007

This new laptop is soooo slow, it's really killing me. En lanun said maybe its need to be formatted but reformatting a laptop is not as easy as with pc, so I heard. Anyway beggers can't be choosers so I just have to be more patient.
We just got back from kg yesterday. At first En lanun said maybe we don't have to go back this month but considering he's going away for 3 months so it's better to go back and meet his parents as well as mine. They all said I should stay back but thanks, no thanks. I'm more comfortable living in my own house even if it's only me and Balqis.
I had some difficulty to sign in to Yahoo mail and messenger, I don't know why. I thought it's only me but when I tried to login with En lanun's id the samething happened, wrong id or the password's not match. Maybe I'll try later.

- Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Haven't write in here for quite a long time. We have 2 laptops, one is En lanun's and the other is, well, his, but he got it from his office and seldom use it so I took charge of it. unfotch lately it has some problem with the screen, always gone blank and I couldn't see anything. So I have to share the other laptop with En lanun, I have to wait for him to come back from work if I wanna use it but usually by that time I will be engaged with other things and by the time I have spare time, it's usually my bedtime. That's why I kept postponing my post here, among other things.
Next month En lanun will attend a 3-months course at US. Guess I have to face the early phase of my pregnancy on my own. It's not so bad actually, but my most concerns right now is how to stop breastfeeding Balqis because it's not advisable for pregnant woman to breastfeed during her pregnancy. It's still early but if I don't start now I'm going to be in big trouble the next couple of months. I've tried give her 3 brands of milk but to no avail. I think the content of milk that I produced right now is not as much as before, partly because I don't feel 'fun' anymore whenever I fed her. can't blame her, she's so used to this routine for almost 15 months so to expect her to change and accept the new routine as fast as 2-3 days is quite impossible. I'll try some other methods, and hopefully she'll be able to understand that I'm just doing the best for her and my baby I carry inside of me.
A hearty congrats wishes from me to my friend Iera, take good care of urself anf ur baby. It's still in early stages, very important to screen ur foods. I think our due date is not that far. Maybe you can visit me at the hospital before you discharge from the hosp! :)

- Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Finally, I'm home. Really, really home. Even when nobody could help me accompanying me & Balqis and help with the heavy luggages, even after I had to dragged the bags with this laptop on my back and Balqis on the other hand, I still felt relieved when I arrived infront of my house. Alhamdulillah...that's all I could say. After performing Subuh prayer ( it's already 6.20 am when I arrived ) I tried to sleep since I didn't have any sleep on the bus because Balqis was frequently awake with her little cries, must because of her upset stomach ( she hasn't poo for 6 days ) so I had to pick her up and breastfed her. I bought 2 seats, because she's grown up a lot and that way I can put her on the other seat without fussing so much with someone else. Plus I could put her after she's asleep ( I had a small pillow for her ). But sleep is impossible when you have little kid like Balqis. After trying for about an hour and when I almost closed my eyes, that's when she started to stirr up and opened her big, round shiny eyes looking at me. And I could almost hear her saying I'm hungry mummy, what we have for breakfast?. So I have to woke up, prepared her dish, bathed her, put nice clean clothes and play a little. My head was pounding like crazy, I didn't know what to do. All I want is to lay down and have a good rest and sleep. Impossible, as usual. The house is a mess, I hadn't unpack my bags, eveything just added a tonne to my head.
But that's yesterday. Today I feel better, no more headache, I've cleaned my house, the kitchen, restored my clothes & Balqis' neatly into our closet. So it's time to check on the internet and I saw that still no result of my job applications.
And I just found out that I'm pregnant. Don't know if that's good news or, I mean, of course it's good news, right? It's just that, I'm not expecting this right now. Haven't told En lanun yet. I thought I'm going to tell him in person. Can't wait for him to come home on 14th. Wish me the best, ya?

- Saturday, May 26, 2007

I can't stop thinking about my house at Manjung. I don't think I can survive any longer here. Doesn't matter I'm at my own folks house at Umbai or at my in-laws house at Klebang, it's all the same- it's not my house. So after this weekend I planned to go back to Manjung, by hook or by crook. I know En lanun won't like this but I'll try to mkae him understand my situation.

- Wednesday, May 16, 2007

En lanun is going to be placed at Teluk Sepanggar for a month starting this friday so last week he took me back to Melaka. Pity him, had to be alone at home this week but he's sitting for an exam this week so I hope that'll keep him busy. Still I hope I got any call regarding the job I applied coz if that's the case I'll took a bus to get back to Manjung.
Miss him a lot, as usual. Calls & smses & mmses unlimited. The bill's going to be sky high this month :)

- Wednesday, May 09, 2007

I've already got my 2nd wedding anniversary present- a new all automatic washing machine!! I'm so excited, I thought I can go on washing & washing until there's nothing to be washed =p actually we had a semi-automatic washing machine but the spin part is not working so it's really frustating to do the laundry on not-so-clear day. The damp clothes won't be dried even if I hung it up really early in the morning and even on a hot day, only half of it are dry. So En lanun thought it's about time we buy a new one :) love you honey!!
my dear friend azie sent me the pictures of iera's wedding. She looked pretty in her wedding suit, glowing & so happy. one of the picture really touched me- it was the 5 all of my bestest friends during my school days, and even until now. I'm the only one that was absent that day. I didn't know that all of them were coming that day, nobody tells me. maybe they don't want to make me feel bad. but i already feel bad. too bad i was isolated alone here, far away from the civilization (really, it was that bad ) and the only chance to see all my friends was blewn away. I don't know when am I gonna see them again, just hope I'll still have a chance.

Labels: - Tuesday, May 08, 2007

So bored out of my skull. Am so nervous waiting for any news about my application for this particular job at Lumut. It has been closed last Saturday but until now there's still no result and I didn't know if they have made a shortlist of all the 213 applications. Guess there are many other people need this job as much as I do. So I tried to keep myself busy- I cleaned the house upstairs & downstairs, ironed clothes, kempt my lawn, but still unable to get my mind out of it. Terpaksalah tunggu je dia panggil nanti..

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