Semalam mak teman beli paper Metro. X disangka2 rupanya ada gambar En lanun dlm tu masa dia gi Lima di Langkawi last week. Masa tu dh ptg baru tau, teman pun x sempat dh nk keluar beli paper tu. En lanun kebetulan kena gi Kuantan for a few days to help the flood victims there. Takpelah teman dah pesan kat mak supaya simpankan paper tu. Nak jgak tgk apa rupanye en lanun masuk paper ;)

Teman kena gi klinik sitiawan semalam. Buat MGTT. letih sungguh. dah lah kena puasa, kena amik drh 2 tabung, kena minum air gula yg pekat manis sampai rasa nk termuntah. ni semua sbb berat badan teman naik 1++ kg dlm masa 2 minggu. Sepatutnye naik 0.5kg/ seminggu. apa nk buat.. penat dgn bawak badan ni, dgn balqis lagi. Bila byk angkat dia mulalah rasa sakit kt pangkal peha & punggung ni. kjp2 mcm nk cramp. Susu anlene dh abis plak. kena gi beli ni.

Hmm.. bila lah en lanun nk balik ni. nak ajak minum mocha freeze kt Billion ;) dh lama x minum... sekali sekala langgar pantang apa salahnye, kan? kan? kannn...? he he

Lama teman x online. lebih 2 bulan rasanye. Banyak teman nak cerita but first & foremost, teman start dgn cerita bapa mertua teman. About 3 weeks ago en lanun got a msg from his sis saying his father was very sick. It's Monday, and he called me to tell the news & packed a few things as we are going back to Melaka to see how his father was doing. I thought we are going to be there for a few days but seeing that his father's condition was getting worse and worse, it dragged on for 2 weeks. We took him to the hospital, and at first the doctors didn't know what's wrong with him but later after further tests & scanning they concluded that my father in law was having a heart attack, a severe one that is. And seeing that there were nothing else they can do they released him after 4 days hospitalized. His condition was in no way to recovery, it's getting worse- he couldn't eat nor drink, barely opened his eyes, didn't speak at all, couldn't recognized any of his children, let alone anyone who came to visit him. And finally on 23rd Nov, Friday, he passed away with all his family all around him while - children & grandchildren & his wife - while they all were citing Quran & Yasin to him ( it's right after Maghrib prayer ). Kami dah cuba bacakan kalimah Laailahaillah even before that moment and we can only hope he managed to follow us in his heart ( coz he barely awake the last few days ) but everybody hears him saying 'Allah' before he drew his last breath. Moga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh nya, diampunkan dosanya & ditempatkan bersama- sama orang yang beriman... AlFatihah.

Kami semua redha dengan pemergiannya memandangkan beliau sudah sakit agak lama, dan ironinya kenduri kesyukuran atas sempena mak & babah akan pergi menunaikan haji yang dirancang pada 24hb bertukar menjadi kenduri arwah. Allah itu maha Mengetahui segala- galanya.. Oleh kerana arwah x dapat pegi maka mak mertua pun x dapat pegi, mungkin dah xde rezeki. Hari ahad teman & en lanun terpaksa balik ke perak kerana en lanun ada eksesais the next day, lagipun dah 2 minggu tinggal keje nak x nak terpaksa dipanggil bertugas juga kerana understaff. Kami yg sepatutnya ke Awana Kijal kerana kursus underwater escape yg wajib en lanun pegi tiap2 tahun terpaksa ditunda ke tahun depan. Arwah tengah sakit sgt masa tu, hari- hari en lanun tido kt hospital menemankan arwah ( he's the only son ).

I'm very much pregnant now, coming to my 8th month and soon i'm gonna due to give birth at approximately 26th Jan. I was abit worried before because at that time en lanun won't be at home- away at KK for a month and he wabted to send me back home to Melaka before he goes there by 19th Dec but I refused- that's like too long for me; about 5 weeks leaving my house. I know he's only thinking about me & the baby safetiness since there's nobody here to take care of me if I'm 2 weeks early and the most important thing is Balqis- where she's going to be and who's gonna take care of her. My neighbours are very nice though, they all offered to take care of Balqis if that's the case. But yesterday he said it's no problem anymore, coz he's not going to KK! I don't know how he did it, I just hope he won't get into trouble for delaying his task over there.

Right now he's away at LIMA Langkawi from Monday until Saturday. Good for him, just wish I could be there too. Takpelah, with my condition & Balqis I hardly can travel alone. Tunggulah after the baby is born nak ajak en lanun gi jln2...Pangkor pun x gi lagi ;p

btw, have i told you that i'm gonna get a baby girl this time ( again )? Yup. A girl. Well, as long as she's healthy and all, I wouldn't mind. Although a boy would be nicer :)

Hopefully the next one ;)

Insya Allah by 19-22th next month I'll be at Awana Kijal T'ganu following En lanun for his Under Water Escape Training which he attended every year. Seronoknye, this year balqis dh bleh mandi dlm pool tp yg x bestnye teman dh memboyot ni, already 7 months pregnant by that time. Apa nk buat dh org kasi free pegi ajelah :) baru je dpt berita gembira hari ni, my parents in law dh confirm dpt gi Mekah hujung tahun ni. So busy lah kakak2 ipar & en lanun menyusun schedule masing2 bila nk buat kenduri sapa nk hantar ke airport brp nk share utk buat kenduri khemah dh tempah ke etc etc. When my own parents went to Mekah I was very small, 11 years old so teman x taulah apa yg kecoh2 sgt, yg teman tau ada kenduri, pastu gi hantar mak & abah gi Kelana Jaya ( masa tu bleh stay kt situ, la ni dh x bleh dh ) then tiba2 je mak & abah dh xde. kakak teman yg dok asrama minta keluar asrama for a month ( dia berulang aliklah ke sekolah masa tu ) and my auntie stayed at our house to take care for us & the house. My father in law is already 64 yrs old and mom in law is 59, so it's a great news that they can make it this year while their health is still permittable for them. They both have their own health problems; mak with her high bp ( controllable so far ), heart problem & batu karang; babah with his diabetes ( very serious ) and something else, I forgot. So teman doakan mereka sihat & dapat menjalankan semua ibadah haji dgn baik, insya Allah...
Plan nye nak buat kenduri pd 24hb, so dr T'ganu kami akan balik terus ke Melaka. Teman akan tinggal kt kg sbb the next monday-friday En lanun ada ops kt laut so xde kt umah. then on friday kami akan hantar mereka ke airport, en lanun akan try dtg jgk ( x sure ops abis bila ) and then he'll take me back to Perak. Pertengahan bulan 12 tu dia akan gi Teluk Sepanggar for a month, i'm due on 26th Jan and he's scheduled to come back on 19th so it's already just a week for my due date. I'm just worried that the baby will come out sooner than that, if that's the case I might have to deliver the baby here.
Kinda worried about that. Hmm.

Lamanye teman x tulis dlm blog ni. sorry... teman busy ya amat. Sejak En lanun balik byk nk catch up dgn dia, and then masa tu dh masuk minggu ke 3 puasa dan dh sibuk nkbuat persiapan raya pulak. baju semua main beli aje kt kedai. lagipun teman nye perut dh start showing... ada beli kain songket trend skrg ni tp kalau buat baju kurung rugi plak sbb lps bersalin nanti kena ubah balik. so beli aje jubah kt First Lady saiz XL. muat tu... thn ni baju warna hijau sepasang dgn en lanun tp balqis punye baju kurung warna merah & pink.. teman jahit sendiri. ala beli aje kain lebih2 kt kedai jual kaintu, kain opal siap ada batu2 lagi baru rm5 je :) ada gambar raya tp dlm kamera digital blum download lagi. nanti lah teman upload kt sini ye...
anyway hopefully masih blum terlambat nk ucapkan selamat hari raya kpd semua kawan2 sahabat handai & sanak keluarga. Tahun ni teman langsung x dpt kad raya, padan muka teman sbb satu kad pun teman x hantar tahun ni he he. ntah lah sibuk sgt sampai x mask list padahal setiap tahun mesti teman luangkan masa hantar kad pd kawan2. maaflah ye...
teman dah masuk 28 minggu dh rasanye. insya Allah nest week ada check up kt klinik. so far so good.. blood pressure normal, sugar level normal, xde bengkak kaki, perut pun keck sket kalau nk bandingkan masa pregnant dgn balqis. dh 2 kali scan x nampak jgk jantinanye.. teman harap2 dptlah boy, sepasang dh elok tu. xpelah teman redha je... asalkan sihat sempurna tubuh badan syukur dah :)

It's the 6th day in the fasting month. Teman harap masih blum terlambat utk mengucapkan selamat berpuasa kepada semua rakan2 & sesiapa yg membaca blog ni. Moga kita sama2 meningkatkan amalan kita di bulan yg baik ini, insya Allah..
En lanun baru lps final xm hari ni. Teman harap dia dpt buat dgn baik & lulus course ni. Katanye dia ada belikan teman buku byk! 8-9 buah :) semuanye hard cover. Teman mmg suka ya amat lah :) tp teman kesian plak nanti dia nk bwk balik byk2 tu... dhlah kawan2 dia kt office semua pesan mcm2 hrp2 semua dpt bawak balik xde yang kena tinggal kt sana. x sabar teman nak jumpa dia.. rindu ya amat. dia pun sama, esp bila dgr perut teman dh makin nampak, dengar cerita keletah Balqis, semua tu buat dia x sabar2 nak balik msia. Walaupun seronok di sana dpt tgk negara org tapi tetap x sama dgn negara sendiri.. teman pun kesian kadang2 tu dia berbuka dgn roti & filet ikan je. kdg2 dpt jgk makan nasi tp lauknye filet ikan jgk. x ramai muslim yg ada kt sana.. hari tu sponsor kt sana jemput dia dtg umah utk berbuka, makan mee kari. huii suka sgt la en lanun sbb mee kari tu fav food dia. tp x sama dgn teman masak katanye :) xpelah syg nanti balik wan masak utk abg ye..

Last week gi klinik kt kg teman. Ingat nk buat kad kat situ. sekali nurse tu kata idak boleh... kalau dh ada kad, just nk buat follow up check up bleh lah. hu hu.. terlanjur dh keluar tu pegi aje klinik swasta kt Teluk Mas. Doktor scan & buat urine test. Alhamdulillah it's not red, and suprisingly I only gained 500 gms since I'm pregnant :) must be cause of chasing Balqis here & there. Dapat free exercise :)

Anyway meet my baby, still in black & white pics :)
The head image:


The legs image ( from bottom )

Tadi kak nani, en lanun's sis gi amik mak & babah kt Masjid Al Azim, ada kursus haji. Sekali tu dia ajak gi jln2 kt Puteri Resort sbb husband dia ada kursus kt situ. Apa lagi.. pacak baju balqis & pampers & tuala mandi sbb dia kata nk ajak mandi kt pool. Balqis suka ya amat dpt main air... Tertelan air pun x nangis. Nasib baik kak nani ada bawak pelampung utk anak dia tp kasi pinjam Balqis. check out her photos at my fotopages. Dh maghrib baru balik..

Tadi dh announce puasa hari khamis.. Insya Allah tahun ni dpt puasa penuh. Last year patut dpt puasa penuh tapi balqis asyik kembung so doktor advice puasa selang2.. ponteng lah 2 hari tp dh byr fidyah & ganti puasa2 tu. X tau la mcm mana en lanun puasa kt sana.. waktu siangnye panjang & panas. Dia bukan jenis nk bangun sahur. Harap2 dia dpt menjalani ibadah puasa dengan baik.. as well as me myself. Last wekk dia gi trip ke Grand Canyon & Colorado Dam. Jelesnye.. still waiting for him to send me the pictures. Bz agaknye, dah tinggal seminggu lebih je lagi nk final xm. All the best for you hon..

Under a few circumstances that I'd prefer not to tell the whole story here, I'm now at my in-law parents at Klebang, Melaka. And I'll be here until the day En lanun come back on 23rd Sept. Will tell more soon, the battery is almost out and I don't have the time to plug to charge it. Later.

This morning I woke up with a jolt of suprise when suddenly something was moving inside my belly. My baby has moved! he he... Told en lanun and he was happy & sad because he wasn't there when it first happened but I said don't worry honey, there're going to be a whole lot more of that for the next 5 months to come.

At first I thought I wanna wait until En lanun come back so that he can wash the carpet but after yesterday, I guess I couldn't wait any longer. Balqis crashed the chocolate bread I bought her with a carrot ( I really didn't realized one of my carrot was missing ) and the bread went into pieces with the chocolate all smeared onto her clothes, her face, on the floor and she did it on the carpet! Ough, I was really pissed off but when she looked up at me with her dirty face & hands, saying 'Da, da' while pointing at the stain, well, I just gave up. So I made up some plans for today. I'll go buy breakfast and parked my kancil outside, after breakfast I planned to take the other car- wira - out for a ride around the neighbourhood just to make sure the engine running and the battery aren't dead, after that parked it outside too so that I can use the parking space to wash the carpet.

But unfotch, when it's time to turn on the wira, it sounded weird, a loud rattled noise coming from the engine department. Wow, that's not sound too good so I asked my neighbour's husband to look into it. Sure enough, he said it was the battery. Gosh, I was suprised because I just turn on the engine 2 days ago and suddenly today it went dead. That's what happened to dry batteries- they don't give you 'alarms' as when the power has decreased as with the wet battery. They just go, dead. Sudden death, as my neighbour put it. Never mind, I still wanna wash the carpet so I just use the empty space behind the wira, where I usually parked the kancil. It's not marbled, just cement, unlike the front part of the parking space. That's why I wanna used the marbled space, it's cleaner but I guess anywhere is good enough. Balqis helped along, of course. As long as there are water, she's always ready to help. More like playing, actually :)

So now the carpet is all clean, I think I don't wanna use it when Balqis is around, only lay it if someone is coming. It's really difficult to control whenever Balqis is around and eating and playing on the carpet. I have tried teaching her to eat at the table but she climb right on top of the table and that's very dangerous. So I just have to be patient and tried to discipline her more about keeping the house clean or at least, the carpet clean.

En lanun is not very well these past few days, coughing very badly and traces of blood when he spits. Hope he'll get better soon, kinda lonely being online here without him.

last night I thought something was moving inside my stomach. But when I placed my hand over it, nothing happen. Then after a few minutes it happened again. I don't know if that's the baby or the muscle of my stomach cramping. Maybe it's just my imagination, I don't know. I still remember the first time Balqis kicked me, she also kicked her father, En lanun. How so? actually at that time we were watching the tv and he laid down with his head on my thigh, his head touching my stomach. Suddenly I felt something and we both looked at each other. I said to him, what's wrong with his head and he said no, he thought I was poking his head. And it happened again and we both realized it was the baby doing all that :) such a happy memory, I smiled whenever I think of it.

Got a phone call last week from someone I don't know. And what he told me was deeply troubled me yet I can't tell no one. A dangerous secret, I must say. But the truth is yet to come, I don't know if I can trust whatever he said just like that. I must find some prove before I get face to face with the doer.
The feeling is really, making me uneasy.

Can somebody get fat 4 eating too many ice cream? I have eaten ice cream for 5 days in a row, a few spoon at one time. You can't blame me, this is the first time I ever eat ice cream without feeling any guilt for Balqis might have bloated stomach later that night :) Felt good though, satisfied when the sweet taste of vanilla & blueberry going down my throat, and I got sore throat each morning. Even my body needs to re-adjust themselves with the new menu :)

Just finished watching The Weather Man by Nicholas Cage. I think this his the movie that failed to catch my attention. Usually any film he acted in is great, even the ridiculous one like The War Lord or The Lord of War or omething like that ( which he was a guns & weapons businessman ). He is also En lanun's all time favourite actor. Guess they all have one movie they'd regretted ever doing it.

Kinda boring today. Just like any other day of my life. *sigh*

Being a housewife, is a fulltime job. And I mean, fulltime. All the time. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. It's not like a normal 9-5 job where you can just leave ur work at 5 o'clock sharp and start to tidy ur desk and ready to come home. I know some of u work in shift or even have longer working hour but that's not the point here, not in this entry, I'm just trying to get the picture, ok? But when ur workplace is ur house, and ur staff or in my case my 'boss' is ur kid(s) and ur knowledge and ur skills must be multiple in different area- the kitchen, house chores, laundry, backyard, frontyard- I'm just so tired sometimes. And the most important things is, you can't leave ur work. How ironic. Not complaining or anything, I, don't know. Doing the house chores and cooking and tidying and cleaning is one thing, tackling my 1 year 4 months old baby girl in another major thing. Right now, she's just so handfull. I have to sweep and mopped the floor like, every 10 minutes. One second she's crashing the biscuit crumbs on the sofa, the next second she spilled her drink on the floor or the carpet, which usually the stain won't come out no matter how many times I tried to scrub them or wash them. The next thing she likes to play on the sofa and started to throw the cushion down on the floor. And then her toys, I don't how many times I picked up the toys only to have them back on the floor. I have tried to teach her pick up her toys after she has done playing but right now she's more interested in taking them out than putting them in the box :) And she enter the kitchen and open my cabinet, rummaged into my neatly stacked tupperwares, picked one or two that she likes and took them to the front and banged them on the floor or the aquarium or any surface she could find. She took my magazines and tore the pages, she dunk my reader's digest into her bowl of soup, she climbed the chair and started dancing on the table after she threw down everything on the table- mugs, tissue box.


The list was endless. She also loves to climb onto me whenever I lay down on my back so I always lay on my side if she's there to protect my stomach. The only time I have to rest is when she's asleep, and that's the time I used to take my bath, or surfing the net, or rearrange and tidying my cabinet, or just lay down to catch my breath. It's even clearly that she's more demanding now and since I'm the only person she's able to find, therefore I really have to fulfill her every needs. At night, as I lay myself down on the bed, I was suppose to sleep but I was too tired, I just lay still and enjoy the few minutes or at best, 1-2 hours before she stirrs and it's time to wake up and nurse her. It takes a while to adjust to the routine, for now I have stop breastfeed her so I have to make sure eveyrthing is ready to prepare for her milk or it's going to be a disaster.


I noticed since my pregnancy is coming to the 16th weeks I get tired easily, and if I do something that needs extra energy or if I pushed too hard, trying to pick up something heavy,I can feel a bit of pain especially at the part just below my stomach. I know it's not good, but what can I do, I'm the only one incharge of this house and if I don't take care of several things, no else will help me. I'll just have to take these things slowly or just leave it there until En lanun is back. And that's another a month and a half. And as I stated before, bukan nak merungut or anything, watching her grow every day infront of me, knowing she's going to be someone when she's older with my guidance, when she hugs me & kisses me fiercely and holds me like she never wanna let go, is really worth every minutes of it. This is just me, sharing my everyday experience with my life and my girl. And looking back, I have a lot more to learn and learn, to be a better mother to my kid(s), soon :)

I haven't heard from En lanun for 2 days now, and it started to make me worried sick. He can't contact me because his account has been frozen since last week because the bill's almost rm600 and the minimum payment to open the line back is rm300 something. I wanna use the credit card but the payment centre at Manjung only receive cash. So he can't contact or sms me or even receive calls and sms. We usually talk to each other via YM or skype, but until today I haven't heard a word from him. Don't even reply my emails. I just prayed that nothing bad happened to him, maybe he's just too busy or going for a site visit where he can't use the computer or something like that. Right now it's 8.30 am Sunday over there, maybe he's still in bed sleeping, maybe I was being worried for nothing. I hope so. Don't wanna think the other way, or any other way.

Couldn't sleep for 2 nights in a row. I don't know why, the first night I think it's because I had gas, I kept tossing left & right feeling uneasiness in my stomach. I rubbed some ointment to my legs, my stomach, my back, and massaged them to ease the wind, but to no avail. And I kept thinking that maybe, if en lanun were there with me, maybe I'll feel better though maybe he can't do anything much but the mere presence of him definitely makes me feel everything is better, easier & less painful. So I cried, like I wanna let go of everything that congested in my head, my mind, my heart. Finally at 4 am I lost the time, maybe I have fell into sleep at that time and when the phone rang at 6.15 am I woke up instantly and the pain in my head was undescribeable. I tried to stand slowly and performed Subuh prayer and groggily fell back onto my bed. Luckily Balqis still sleeping at that time. The 2nd night was just the same, but this time I felt the urged to pee all the time, even if I've just went for 2 minutes. I think it was the first sign that showed my sugar level is high, just like during my first pregnancy. So I went to the toilet and the moment I went back to my bed, I felt the urge again. And again. I think I have to see a doctor soon about this.
I hope time passes quickly, for I didn't how long I can take this anymore. One of my friend advised me to go back to Melaka because with my condition, it's better if my family are around me to take care of me if anything happen. But I've already told her why I don't want to do that and I hope she understand.
Have I told you I've formatted this laptop? Now I can surf the net & do my things with so much ease, I don't ever think I wanna parted with it. But of coz I have to wait until Balqis sleep because whenever she sees me with my laptop, the first thing she will do is point at the on/off button and pling! The laptop went off and all my works lost in the space :)




I couldn't believe my eyes my I noticed something not quite right with one of my fishes, oscar. Sure enough, when i got a closer look I found out it was trying to swallow another fish- the shark! gosh, the poor shark fish was half way into the oscar's mouth, who had some difficulties to swallow it because the shark was quite big. I was afraid it's going to choke to death because from the time I first noticed that was at 7 pm and until the time I went to the bus station to send my mother, it's still there. Luckily when I came back oscar was done, because I've thought I might pull the shark out incase it still stuck in oscar's mouth.

look at this pictures from side. can you see the shark's tail coming out from its mouth?front view
Another picture


this past week had been so hard for me. Balqis' fever and coughing got so bad, until I had to take her to the hospital @ 3.30 am because she's burning and I just so afraid something might happen to her if I should wait until morning. The medical assistant inserted the pill into her bottom and told me to come again at 9 am to check on her condition. She's still hot that morning and when I arrived they took some blood from her hand. Pity her, I had to hold her because she cried and trying to wiggle herself because of the pain. After one hour the result came in and the doctor said there's nothing wrong with her, which means no infection or dengue or something like that so he told me to take her home, give a lot of water and continue the medicine they prescribed. Alhamdulillah... I've already packed a few of her things just in case she had to be hospitalized. I myself was not very well until today with running nose and constant headache. My mom came all the way from Melaka because she's worried about our condition and me especially with my pregnancy.


Today she's getting better, the temperature had reduced but the coughing is still there. But I was more concern about her appetite because she hardly eat at all, no matter what I cooked for her. Before this she ate whatever I served her, and I suspected this might have someting to do with her gum. I think, her teeth are showing therefore the gum must be tender to allow the tooth to grow. And you know how painful that is. I just hope I can make it all easier and less painful for her.. right now she just got her nutrition from the formula milk, and that's the best she can do. I know it's not enough because her body already 'shrinking' and all my neighbour said she's too skinny now compared to her previous shape.


I just hope this will past quickly and she'll regain her self back because seeing her right now so hopelessly and weak, I just can't stand it like I can do nothing to help her. Cepatlah sembuh syg....sian mak tgk akish gitu...




just lying on the mattress..

trying to get rid of the bandage

Nowadays everything I eat will leave bad taste in my mouth-fish, chicken, squids, prawns, everything. I also have to be careful not to put too much of toothpaste when I brush my teeth or I'll go uwekk, uwekk and it's not very comfortable feeling. I guess it's coming to me, especially when I'm almost 12 weeks because I remembered when I was first pregnant with Balqis the nausea and uneasiness started just when I entered the 12th week and it continued almost 2 months. It went too bad until I couldn't drive to and back from work, I got dizzy everytime I enter the lift ( my office situated at the 11th floor, so you can imagine whenever I got out of the lift I'll go straight to the toilet to puke. I spent most of the time in the surau, my other 2 colleagues complained that they had to replaced me so many times when the user called for our help. And finally I quit. I guess it's not the smartest decision but it seems right at that time, En lanun too worried about me and asked me to move to Perak with him. That's how I got here, in the first place. But I guess if I didn't quit at that time I'll just have to do the same thing sooner or later, because just 9 months later our house was ready with the CF and everything. Plus I heard the company that bought our software had recently stop from using the software and our service is no longer needed there. I asked my x-colleague about it but he just answered it's all about politics and he just followed what my x-boss said to him. Pity him, now he's assigned to Kolej Islam at Kuala Sg Udang, that place was too far away ( I knew because i've been there before, working on their website and attending meetings with my x- boss ) but at least he still has a job.
I took Balqis to her 2nd last appointment last Wednesday and was suprised to find out that she had lost 700 gms from her last visit to the clinic. Now she weighted merely 8.9 kg. I noticed that lately she always wanted to eat by herself but the problem is, more food fell off to the floor than into her mouth and she refused to let me feed her. I also didn't make as much milk as I used to, that could be the other factor. But right now she has adjusted her tastebud :) and allow me to fed her with other spoon, and she still want to hold her own spoon. She also seems very much like the formula milk I bought for her. Now it's been more than 1 week she stop breastfeeding and so far she took the formula milk very well. Alhamdulillah.. Now I can have a much longer sleeping time, I have enough sleep and rest but it all might change soon, who knows. Kids. Just look at this picture below trying to wear my heel and walked around the house like she's so used to it.



Today was a long journey for me, Balqis and definitely En Lanun. I woke up at 1.30 am and went straight to the kitchen to prepare something to eat in the car on our way. Balqis heard me fussing around in the kitchen and woke up so I just took her and after finished with the food I bathed her and after that had a shower myself. I put on nice clothes on her. Pity her, still looked a bit sleepy. After that I gently hold En lanun's hand and whispered that we had to prepare now because the driver will come soon to pick us up. He got up, took his bath and had double checked all his luggages, his passport and visa and everything are all packed up.


The driver arrived at 3.oo am sharp, as promised. The journey was smooth, Balqis slept almost through all the way until we arrived at KLIA at 6.08 am. We looked for the check in counter and the process took almost 45 minutes despite there weren't so many people at that time. So while waiting I went to the surau with Balqis and performed solat Subuh. After he finished he went to the surau and after that we all went to McD for breakfast. I preferred to eat nasi lemak but he said it costs more here so McD is a good alternatif. Not long after that his sister Kak Ros arrived with my in-law parents. We had breakfast, chatted a lot and although I was sitting next to him the whole time I felt already he's so far away and I thought I could never get enough of him. Since he talked alot with his sister & his parents I just sat there quietly watching him eating, his face, his hands, his ears, everything. The emotion inside was really, tumbling upside down but i tried to keep myself calm right until the moment he inside the boarding area. He kissed me on my forehead, kissed Balqis all over. She seemed alright, still have no idea of what was happening around her. We all waved at him while he went down the escalator. I almost cried... and then I just lost him in the crowd. Just my love and prayers for his safety and wellbeing all through his journey and during the course. It's going to be tough for him since this is his first time going to oversea to a country so stranger to him but I know he can do it; he always did no matter where he go whatever he do, he always do his best.
After that K ros sent my parents in law to Pudu to take a bus back to Melaka. I tried to contact the ZL driver but hi didn't pick up so I just sent a msg saying I'm done here and asked him when can he come and pick me up. I went to the special room for nappy changes ( Balqis has pooed ) and after that I breastfed her until she fell asleep. Lenguh jugak memangku dia, 10kg++ tau :) anyway at 9.15 the driver called me and said he's on the way to pick me but the traffic from Ampang to KLIA is quite heavy so it might took him 1 hour++ to get there. I said it's ok I'll wait for him. At least Balqis had one hour sleep, that will keep her quiet and not bugging me so much. The driver arrived at 10.30 am, we went straight home to Manjung. I felt a bit tired and hungry since Balqis breastfed all the way through the journey and everytime I tried to disengaged from her she cried and refused to do so. I changed her diaper again, performed Zohor prayer and tried to sleep but of course it's impossible when Balqis was not sleeping too so I laid her down or her matress, breastfed her (again) and soon she fell asleep, so did I. After one hour or so I woke up, took a bath, performed Asar prayer and started cooking something for dinner. Soon Balqis stirred and cried, I took her up but suprised to felt how hot she was. I tried to put her into the cradle and she slept again. Pity her.. must because she was so tired riding back and forth in the car. That night was a disaster, as expected. I hadn't sleep at all since she cried maybe feeling uneasy with her hot body. I had given her medicine and wet her hair with air asam jawa hoping she'll get better in the morning.
I thought I was ok, but I was wrong. The moment I stepped into the house, it suddenly hit me that my dearest husband is not here, on his way so far away from me and Balqis. The house suddenly felt too huge for the two of us. I tried not to cry, he'll come home soon but it didn't worked out. It didn't ease my mind. If I'm writing this on a piece of paper, you might not be able to read what I've been writing now. The tears must have smudged all the ink and everything would be blurred. Just like the way I felt inside. Maybe it just my hormon. He would be devastated if he knew I behaved like this. Bini askar dgn anak askar mesti kuat, he said :) I will, hon. I will.
Today Balqis is much better. I tried to stop Balqis from breastfeeding, as my mother urges me cause it's not good for me and the baby. So I tried. She woke up at 2.00 pm and I fed her with rice, omelette and veggy soup but she only ate 3-4 spoon. After that she started to poke me and wanted to breastfeed. I said no, I gave her eveyrthing- milk, milo, apple, but she refused all that and cried and cried. I tried to persuade her, hold her up, singing lullaby but she kept on crying. Finally after 1 hour 45 minutes she stopped as I fried some keropok lekor and she ate 3-4 slices. And then I made her watched tv, gave her a lot of water, so far so good. Later that evening I bathed her and took her out to play with my next door neighbour's kids. When we came back into the house I fed her again with rice and the veggie soup and she ate about 10 spoons. Then I quickly performed my prayer, cited Yassin and I noticed she's getting more quiet and her eyes getting red. Then I took my dinner and while I ate she laid down onto her matress and soon I found she's already fell asleep. Alhamdulillah... This is the longest time she hasn't breastfeed. We'll see how she's doing tonight. Hope she'll understand that this is the only way for me to stop her. I've read all about how to stop breastfeeding and all answers pointed out one thing: Let her cry. So that's what I'll do. Prayed so Allah will make me more patient about all this, insya Allah...

This new laptop is soooo slow, it's really killing me. En lanun said maybe its need to be formatted but reformatting a laptop is not as easy as with pc, so I heard. Anyway beggers can't be choosers so I just have to be more patient.
We just got back from kg yesterday. At first En lanun said maybe we don't have to go back this month but considering he's going away for 3 months so it's better to go back and meet his parents as well as mine. They all said I should stay back but thanks, no thanks. I'm more comfortable living in my own house even if it's only me and Balqis.
I had some difficulty to sign in to Yahoo mail and messenger, I don't know why. I thought it's only me but when I tried to login with En lanun's id the samething happened, wrong id or the password's not match. Maybe I'll try later.

Haven't write in here for quite a long time. We have 2 laptops, one is En lanun's and the other is, well, his, but he got it from his office and seldom use it so I took charge of it. unfotch lately it has some problem with the screen, always gone blank and I couldn't see anything. So I have to share the other laptop with En lanun, I have to wait for him to come back from work if I wanna use it but usually by that time I will be engaged with other things and by the time I have spare time, it's usually my bedtime. That's why I kept postponing my post here, among other things.
Next month En lanun will attend a 3-months course at US. Guess I have to face the early phase of my pregnancy on my own. It's not so bad actually, but my most concerns right now is how to stop breastfeeding Balqis because it's not advisable for pregnant woman to breastfeed during her pregnancy. It's still early but if I don't start now I'm going to be in big trouble the next couple of months. I've tried give her 3 brands of milk but to no avail. I think the content of milk that I produced right now is not as much as before, partly because I don't feel 'fun' anymore whenever I fed her. can't blame her, she's so used to this routine for almost 15 months so to expect her to change and accept the new routine as fast as 2-3 days is quite impossible. I'll try some other methods, and hopefully she'll be able to understand that I'm just doing the best for her and my baby I carry inside of me.
A hearty congrats wishes from me to my friend Iera, take good care of urself anf ur baby. It's still in early stages, very important to screen ur foods. I think our due date is not that far. Maybe you can visit me at the hospital before you discharge from the hosp! :)

Finally, I'm home. Really, really home. Even when nobody could help me accompanying me & Balqis and help with the heavy luggages, even after I had to dragged the bags with this laptop on my back and Balqis on the other hand, I still felt relieved when I arrived infront of my house. Alhamdulillah...that's all I could say. After performing Subuh prayer ( it's already 6.20 am when I arrived ) I tried to sleep since I didn't have any sleep on the bus because Balqis was frequently awake with her little cries, must because of her upset stomach ( she hasn't poo for 6 days ) so I had to pick her up and breastfed her. I bought 2 seats, because she's grown up a lot and that way I can put her on the other seat without fussing so much with someone else. Plus I could put her after she's asleep ( I had a small pillow for her ). But sleep is impossible when you have little kid like Balqis. After trying for about an hour and when I almost closed my eyes, that's when she started to stirr up and opened her big, round shiny eyes looking at me. And I could almost hear her saying I'm hungry mummy, what we have for breakfast?. So I have to woke up, prepared her dish, bathed her, put nice clean clothes and play a little. My head was pounding like crazy, I didn't know what to do. All I want is to lay down and have a good rest and sleep. Impossible, as usual. The house is a mess, I hadn't unpack my bags, eveything just added a tonne to my head.
But that's yesterday. Today I feel better, no more headache, I've cleaned my house, the kitchen, restored my clothes & Balqis' neatly into our closet. So it's time to check on the internet and I saw that still no result of my job applications.
And I just found out that I'm pregnant. Don't know if that's good news or, I mean, of course it's good news, right? It's just that, I'm not expecting this right now. Haven't told En lanun yet. I thought I'm going to tell him in person. Can't wait for him to come home on 14th. Wish me the best, ya?

I can't stop thinking about my house at Manjung. I don't think I can survive any longer here. Doesn't matter I'm at my own folks house at Umbai or at my in-laws house at Klebang, it's all the same- it's not my house. So after this weekend I planned to go back to Manjung, by hook or by crook. I know En lanun won't like this but I'll try to mkae him understand my situation.

En lanun is going to be placed at Teluk Sepanggar for a month starting this friday so last week he took me back to Melaka. Pity him, had to be alone at home this week but he's sitting for an exam this week so I hope that'll keep him busy. Still I hope I got any call regarding the job I applied coz if that's the case I'll took a bus to get back to Manjung.
Miss him a lot, as usual. Calls & smses & mmses unlimited. The bill's going to be sky high this month :)

I've already got my 2nd wedding anniversary present- a new all automatic washing machine!! I'm so excited, I thought I can go on washing & washing until there's nothing to be washed =p actually we had a semi-automatic washing machine but the spin part is not working so it's really frustating to do the laundry on not-so-clear day. The damp clothes won't be dried even if I hung it up really early in the morning and even on a hot day, only half of it are dry. So En lanun thought it's about time we buy a new one :) love you honey!!
my dear friend azie sent me the pictures of iera's wedding. She looked pretty in her wedding suit, glowing & so happy. one of the picture really touched me- it was the 5 all of my bestest friends during my school days, and even until now. I'm the only one that was absent that day. I didn't know that all of them were coming that day, nobody tells me. maybe they don't want to make me feel bad. but i already feel bad. too bad i was isolated alone here, far away from the civilization (really, it was that bad ) and the only chance to see all my friends was blewn away. I don't know when am I gonna see them again, just hope I'll still have a chance.

So bored out of my skull. Am so nervous waiting for any news about my application for this particular job at Lumut. It has been closed last Saturday but until now there's still no result and I didn't know if they have made a shortlist of all the 213 applications. Guess there are many other people need this job as much as I do. So I tried to keep myself busy- I cleaned the house upstairs & downstairs, ironed clothes, kempt my lawn, but still unable to get my mind out of it. Terpaksalah tunggu je dia panggil nanti..

Balqis fell from the stairs yesterday. I didn't know how because I wasn't there. I felt bad, but she's really a handful lately and I can't do anything whenever she wanted to climb the stairs but to stay behind her until she made it to the upstair ( I can't cheat by taking her all the way up, she'll wriggled and wanted to climb it herself ). I never leave her before but today I was cooking in the kitchen and I was afraid the rice will be 'hangit' so I left her for a few seconds. Then I heard a loud thud and she started to cry. I rushed to her and found her lying on the last stair with one hand at the rail and her face facing down. Her lower lip scratch a little bit, apart from that I didn't see anything else- she can walk and moves as usual. I picked her up slowly, then hugged her softly and soothed her and after 30 seconds she wanted to climb that stairs again. Can't believe it. Moral of the story- we should buy & installed that protective gate to prevent that incident from happening again. Yup, because it looks like she'll never learn from her experience at this stage.
Iera's wedding was yesterday. Can't wait for azie to upload her photos and tell me everything about the wedding I missed. Somehow I felt like I didn't try harder to be there. I don't know :(
En lanun's ship is docked at Kuantan yesterday for minor repairs and getting ready to sailed again for another week. Can't wait to see him next week..

I thought I had it all under controlled. But I was wrong.
My goodfriend from my schooldays is getting married this weekend. At first I planned to go with En lanun but later he found out he's scheduled to go sailing within that period ( as he is away now ) so I make other arrangement to go there with my friend who also went to the same school and she's working here and she wanted to go to the wedding as well so it's just convinient for me. We even planned to buy her one big wedding present by sharing our money. Early this week she said she had to go to Kuantan right after the wedding ( sunday) because she has to attend a course there so I think it's ok, I'll just get a bus to Melaka from Kajang but until this evening I haven't heard anything firm from her ( my friend here ). And just now she sms me saying she's going with her friends (whose attending the same course) and they are going to stay in a hotel. Now how was that going to make me feel? I just found out that I'm possibly not going to attend my bestfriend's wedding ( we used to be in a clique ) which, I really really really wanted to go. Too bad she couldn't make it to my wedding and now I'm going to do the same thing to her. I called her just now and told her all about it and she said it's ok... there's nothing she can do, i can't go there by bus with Balqis and carrying bags at the same time. Balqis can walk a bit but most of the time I still have to carry her especially when in crowd. Furthermore En lanun didn't allow me to do so.. too many risks he said and I definitely understand that.
Right now I'm just feeling so sad. the wedding is just something I've looking forward to go when I first heard about it last month. Now this. I'm so sorry Iera, guess the closest I can be at your wedding is my prayer for your happiness and may the love you found in each other will never fade....

2nd day. I took Balqis to the clinic and it almost 2 hours and a half when we finally settled everything- she got an MMR injection and cried about, 10 seconds. Alhamdulillah.. like I always said anak askar lah katakan =p I thought after that I might go pay some bills or paying the cars loan or something but after playing & walking all around the clinic for more than 2 hours, Balqis started to get edgy and refused to sit still in the car seat ( no more baby seat, it's a disaster trying to put her into it ) and wanted to get up and kept reaching for me. So I just drove straight home. Alhamdulillah so far she hasn't show any signs of fever or anything.
List of things to do for the next 12 days:
  • Pay all bills
  • finished painting the kitchen's window grill
  • repair my punjabi suit ( it's too long )
  • watched World Trade Centre cd ( the one with Nicholas Cage )
  • what else.. maybe washes the cars
  • shopping for Iera's wedding present

that's all? oohh...it's going to be a long, long 12 days...

One day passed by. He called from S'pore saying the ship will be there for 3 days before sailing to Kuantan. And they are going for sight-seeing this evening. I hope he bought something for me and Balqis :) am watching Astro's Fun with Dick & Jane- so hilarious I had to force myself from laughing too loud and wake Balqis up.
Will take Balqis to the clinic tomorrow morning for her appointment that has been postponed for 2 weeks because she had the chicken pox. Hope she won't get fever after the injection.
Another 13 days to go. Hmmph.

[ background music: Lonely by Akon ]
en lanun belayar ari ni. for 2 weeks. and he just been away for a few hours I've already felt so, so lonely. of course with balqis with me all my attention is on her but now when she's asleep, lying so peacefully on her matress covered with her daddy's kain pelekat, i felt so alone. this is the 3rd time he had to go for excercise after balqis was born. the 1st time was 7 days, when we first moved into this house, the 2nd time also for a week when balqis was 8-9 months old. this time it's longer- 2 weeks. after that he works as usual for a week and then off to Teluk Sepanggar, Sabah for at least 6 weeks. then if everything works as plan, he'll attend a course in US for 3 months. don't know what will i do at that time, maybe i'll spend most of the time at melaka if i haven't got any job at that time. i've applied a job as HR exec at Malayan Flour Mill here at lumut, i really hope i'll get the job not only to fill my spare time, it's also will be a good addition to our budget. after i applied en lanun and i discussed the possibility if i get the job how to manage the house chores and balqis. he then asked
me what will i buy with the money and when i answered (it's a long list ), he actually stop talking for a long time. then he said, he hope i'll get the job so that i can fulfill my own necessities, because at this time being he just couldn't afford to buy it all for me. it touched me, really, for he had to swallow his pride and ego to say and admit that to me and so i said, not to just ease his mind but the truth is, he had done so much for me that i thought i couldn't ask for more. whatever it is that i dream to buy is just my personal inner thought, being out of job for so long and so used to have my own money in my hand, i think it's not wrong if i wanted all those things i want. i deserve it, that's all i think. he can give me everything but not now, i do understand that that's why i never push him or demand anything that's too much from him. i think my chances are pretty good,considering not many people want to work this far. will do my best if i get the interview, i promise myself silently.
balqis has changes a bit. well, a lot actually. dah pandai merajuk kalau x ikut cakap dia or if she doesn't get what she wanted. she'll stomped her feet and cried loudly with tears running so fast, people will think that we are hurting her. and the second she gets what she wants, all the crying and stomping gone so fast, all that's left was the smile so sweet, it must be the victory smile. she also reacted when i raised my voice, or when i talked softly she looks at me right in the eyes like
she understand what i'm saying before she turned back and continues doing whatever she's doing before that. so far she obeyed en lanun's command better than me, don't know why.
i've thought of what to do while en lanun was away but right now my mind is blank, so full with his face and voices and everything, i just have to sit down doing nothing and let my mind wandering far to the south china sea where he's now. what he's doing, has he eat, what he's wearing, etc. so used to have him around me, it's a bit awkward not to see him. but his everywhere, of course, i just need a few days to get myself together and then i'll be good. looks like tonight i might share the kain pelekat with balqis *sigh*
miss u hon.a lot.


Alhamdulillah...Balqis has turned one year old last week, sorry I haven't got time to write sooner here. We had celebrated her birthday twice ( lucky girl ) once when we were at Melaka and the second one here at our own house at Manjung. Will upload the pictures on my fotopages ( as soon as after I could find the digital camera. Must have misplaced it somewhere in the house ).


But I wanna tell you about the special present she got just 2 days after she turned one- she got chicken pox! Poor my baby.. but I must say she's one tough baby ( anak askar lah katakan =p ) because despite all the uncomfortable feeling, the itchiness, the high fever, she still behaved like herself- active, playing like there's nothing wrong happened to her, merengek pun sket2 aje. Alhamdulillah.... taklah susah sangat nak menjaganya. She was supposed to have her one year immunisation last Monday but since she got the chicken pox, the doctor just gave her medicine and 2 weeks 'off' before she has to come back and had the injection done. Even the doctor said she's very cheerful for one patient who has chicken pox :) that's my girl!


Here's my girl Balqis with her birthday present from Abah. Happy birthday sayang..

As you can see at the ticker up there, Balqis is turning one in 8 days. We planned to celebrate her 1st birthday with our family at Melaka and since we are going home this weekend, we'll have it this week. I'll put some of the pictures here, promise :)
This morning a man from Majlis Perbandaran Manjung called out from my gate asking how'd I like the tree infront of my house to be- trim it a little or just cut it out, flat. It's getting higher and bushy and it's getting in the way of the TNB's lamp post & the wires, it's very dangerous if the tree fall and tripped on the wires. Anyway, since my neighbour's door was closed that's why they asked me and I said just cut it all, like me & my husband always talked about. After they did cut the tree, I felt a little bit guilty and selfish because I really should make that decision with them first and now the tree is gone, it's really gonna get hot in the evening without the tree as the shield before this. Well, what's done is done, nothing much I can do about it except apologize later this evening.
But am I glad to see the tree gone now! I don't have to sweep the dry leaves that fell off everyday at my lawn. We'll plant other tree after this, maybe :)

last night my new next door neighbour held a small feast as a homecoming so they invited me and my husband but en lanun was on duty yesterday so he couldn't make it. I went with Balqis ( of coz ) and just in time before they performed solat hajat. After that we cited Yassin and tahlil. Alhamdulillah, I prayed for their safety & happiness in their new home.

Chatted with my old school mate Iera and she told me one big news- she's getting married next month!! Alhamdulillah...It's about time you do that, buddy :) So insya Allah I'll be there maybe with my husband or with Muni ( she's my old mate & a navy too ) if my husband can't make it. I'll be there buddy, you cam count on me :) won't miss the opportunity to see you on the dias :)

We have 2 lampans fish and they grew bigger and bigger, so the small aquarium we bought when we first start this hobby couldn't hold them any longer, so my husband decided it's time we get a new and bigger tank for them. And big it is- about the length of my hand from one end to the other end. And we bought 2 new fishes namely tegas. It's a bit like kelah, maybe the pattern on their body is a bit different. The 2 new fishes joined the old school- 2 lampan, carp, 2 sepat emas, 1 dragon fish, 2 sebarau and 2 new fish we bought last 2 weeks that has orange & black stripe on their body with mouth like a rat. No, really they looked like rat's mouth. I'll try to upload their pic here, later.

visited my old website and saw some of the jobs I designed when I worked before. Some of them are my own projects which I was being conned ( the company never paid me ) but it never bored me to sit infront of the computer and design yet another one. It makes me powerful, playing with the tools and after spending hours and hours on the canvas, seeing the end result is always cheer me up. NNot that I'll be satisfied for the first time, even though my boss said it's very good I'll always find some lame excuse to do more and more. So I've been thinking to moved some of them to my fotopages so that I can share them with you. check it out soon, ok?

Cooked nasi lemak for lunch today,special request from En lanun. Chatted with my old friend Ben from incubator where I used to worked- he's engaged now ( don't know when ) and planned to have the wedding this year. So I suggested 070707 and he said his fiancee also wanted that date and asked RM7777 as the dowry :) goodluck finding that money!! ha ha... he must be freaked put if he read this.
Still no reply from that job I applied yesterday. Call me stupid or laugh at me, but I've already imagined how my life is going to changed rapidly if I get the job- how I have to wake up at 5 am to cooked, getting ready for worked, send my baby to the nanny, En lanun dropped me off at the jetty ( it's not like I can't drive myself but parking there is quite costly so it's better that way ) and boarded the boat to get to my workplace ( I think it's a hotel because they asked if we have any experience in hotel management. I don't, but we all have been to hotels before so I guess I can tell a bit about it ). After that I took the boat again back to Lumut, En lanun has already waiting to pick me up, stopped by the nanny's house to pick Balqis and back to our home.. home sweet home! Of course I have cooked so what's left is get refreshed and reheat the food, we are ready for dinner!
Ok, too simple & easy you think? I know it's not as simple as it sounds but at least that's what I have in mind. I may not have enough time for myself, or for Balqis and my husband but I really want to work, it's a risk I'm willing to take. Many women has done this so why it has to be different for me? If they can do it, so am I. I am challenging my self. Bring it on, baby!

What a boring day. Nothing interesting to watch on Astro today. En Lanun is on duty today so he's won't be at home until tomorrow morning, then he has one sortie at 11 am after that so he'll coming back maybe at 2 pm. arrghhh... bosan ya amat. Keep doing the same thing over & over again. Saw 1 job ad as human resource @ Pulau pangkor so I applied. I've always wanted to go there but the time is never right- I'm pregnant before, then the baby is still small. She's almost 11 months now, guess I can get my plan back on track. I have to do something for my self, or else I'll end up burnt myself uselessly. Mak already said if I wanted to go for an interview just told her, she'll come over & help me with Balqis. I know the right place for a wife is right at home with her husband & children but this is just an exceptional. With our current finance situation, I couldn't afford just staying at home. Not now.

Esok CNY. En lanun had a long weekend until Tuesday so we decided to get home for the holidays. Plus he had a reunion for his old school- Teknik Bukit Piatu, Melaka.

Finally I have the courage to unlist my name from jobstreet.com's newsletter. Because it just keep sending me jobs ad that not only suitable for me, it depressed me more to see that there are so many jobs out there and I can only look at them, read them and then delete them. What's the use? It clustered my inbox and I don't see any reason why I should keep receiving them so I might as well get my email ad out of their system. For good. Don't know why I took this long to figure it out, to do this. If there is really a job for me, I should be working now, isn't it? Oh I forgot, I already have a fulltime job- a housewife. Oh, that's why. maybe all other employee knew that and they all decided not give me any other opportunities. Great.