Under a few circumstances that I'd prefer not to tell the whole story here, I'm now at my in-law parents at Klebang, Melaka. And I'll be here until the day En lanun come back on 23rd Sept. Will tell more soon, the battery is almost out and I don't have the time to plug to charge it. Later.

This morning I woke up with a jolt of suprise when suddenly something was moving inside my belly. My baby has moved! he he... Told en lanun and he was happy & sad because he wasn't there when it first happened but I said don't worry honey, there're going to be a whole lot more of that for the next 5 months to come.

At first I thought I wanna wait until En lanun come back so that he can wash the carpet but after yesterday, I guess I couldn't wait any longer. Balqis crashed the chocolate bread I bought her with a carrot ( I really didn't realized one of my carrot was missing ) and the bread went into pieces with the chocolate all smeared onto her clothes, her face, on the floor and she did it on the carpet! Ough, I was really pissed off but when she looked up at me with her dirty face & hands, saying 'Da, da' while pointing at the stain, well, I just gave up. So I made up some plans for today. I'll go buy breakfast and parked my kancil outside, after breakfast I planned to take the other car- wira - out for a ride around the neighbourhood just to make sure the engine running and the battery aren't dead, after that parked it outside too so that I can use the parking space to wash the carpet.

But unfotch, when it's time to turn on the wira, it sounded weird, a loud rattled noise coming from the engine department. Wow, that's not sound too good so I asked my neighbour's husband to look into it. Sure enough, he said it was the battery. Gosh, I was suprised because I just turn on the engine 2 days ago and suddenly today it went dead. That's what happened to dry batteries- they don't give you 'alarms' as when the power has decreased as with the wet battery. They just go, dead. Sudden death, as my neighbour put it. Never mind, I still wanna wash the carpet so I just use the empty space behind the wira, where I usually parked the kancil. It's not marbled, just cement, unlike the front part of the parking space. That's why I wanna used the marbled space, it's cleaner but I guess anywhere is good enough. Balqis helped along, of course. As long as there are water, she's always ready to help. More like playing, actually :)

So now the carpet is all clean, I think I don't wanna use it when Balqis is around, only lay it if someone is coming. It's really difficult to control whenever Balqis is around and eating and playing on the carpet. I have tried teaching her to eat at the table but she climb right on top of the table and that's very dangerous. So I just have to be patient and tried to discipline her more about keeping the house clean or at least, the carpet clean.

En lanun is not very well these past few days, coughing very badly and traces of blood when he spits. Hope he'll get better soon, kinda lonely being online here without him.

last night I thought something was moving inside my stomach. But when I placed my hand over it, nothing happen. Then after a few minutes it happened again. I don't know if that's the baby or the muscle of my stomach cramping. Maybe it's just my imagination, I don't know. I still remember the first time Balqis kicked me, she also kicked her father, En lanun. How so? actually at that time we were watching the tv and he laid down with his head on my thigh, his head touching my stomach. Suddenly I felt something and we both looked at each other. I said to him, what's wrong with his head and he said no, he thought I was poking his head. And it happened again and we both realized it was the baby doing all that :) such a happy memory, I smiled whenever I think of it.

Got a phone call last week from someone I don't know. And what he told me was deeply troubled me yet I can't tell no one. A dangerous secret, I must say. But the truth is yet to come, I don't know if I can trust whatever he said just like that. I must find some prove before I get face to face with the doer.
The feeling is really, making me uneasy.

Can somebody get fat 4 eating too many ice cream? I have eaten ice cream for 5 days in a row, a few spoon at one time. You can't blame me, this is the first time I ever eat ice cream without feeling any guilt for Balqis might have bloated stomach later that night :) Felt good though, satisfied when the sweet taste of vanilla & blueberry going down my throat, and I got sore throat each morning. Even my body needs to re-adjust themselves with the new menu :)

Just finished watching The Weather Man by Nicholas Cage. I think this his the movie that failed to catch my attention. Usually any film he acted in is great, even the ridiculous one like The War Lord or The Lord of War or omething like that ( which he was a guns & weapons businessman ). He is also En lanun's all time favourite actor. Guess they all have one movie they'd regretted ever doing it.

Kinda boring today. Just like any other day of my life. *sigh*

Being a housewife, is a fulltime job. And I mean, fulltime. All the time. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. It's not like a normal 9-5 job where you can just leave ur work at 5 o'clock sharp and start to tidy ur desk and ready to come home. I know some of u work in shift or even have longer working hour but that's not the point here, not in this entry, I'm just trying to get the picture, ok? But when ur workplace is ur house, and ur staff or in my case my 'boss' is ur kid(s) and ur knowledge and ur skills must be multiple in different area- the kitchen, house chores, laundry, backyard, frontyard- I'm just so tired sometimes. And the most important things is, you can't leave ur work. How ironic. Not complaining or anything, I, don't know. Doing the house chores and cooking and tidying and cleaning is one thing, tackling my 1 year 4 months old baby girl in another major thing. Right now, she's just so handfull. I have to sweep and mopped the floor like, every 10 minutes. One second she's crashing the biscuit crumbs on the sofa, the next second she spilled her drink on the floor or the carpet, which usually the stain won't come out no matter how many times I tried to scrub them or wash them. The next thing she likes to play on the sofa and started to throw the cushion down on the floor. And then her toys, I don't how many times I picked up the toys only to have them back on the floor. I have tried to teach her pick up her toys after she has done playing but right now she's more interested in taking them out than putting them in the box :) And she enter the kitchen and open my cabinet, rummaged into my neatly stacked tupperwares, picked one or two that she likes and took them to the front and banged them on the floor or the aquarium or any surface she could find. She took my magazines and tore the pages, she dunk my reader's digest into her bowl of soup, she climbed the chair and started dancing on the table after she threw down everything on the table- mugs, tissue box.

The list was endless. She also loves to climb onto me whenever I lay down on my back so I always lay on my side if she's there to protect my stomach. The only time I have to rest is when she's asleep, and that's the time I used to take my bath, or surfing the net, or rearrange and tidying my cabinet, or just lay down to catch my breath. It's even clearly that she's more demanding now and since I'm the only person she's able to find, therefore I really have to fulfill her every needs. At night, as I lay myself down on the bed, I was suppose to sleep but I was too tired, I just lay still and enjoy the few minutes or at best, 1-2 hours before she stirrs and it's time to wake up and nurse her. It takes a while to adjust to the routine, for now I have stop breastfeed her so I have to make sure eveyrthing is ready to prepare for her milk or it's going to be a disaster.

I noticed since my pregnancy is coming to the 16th weeks I get tired easily, and if I do something that needs extra energy or if I pushed too hard, trying to pick up something heavy,I can feel a bit of pain especially at the part just below my stomach. I know it's not good, but what can I do, I'm the only one incharge of this house and if I don't take care of several things, no else will help me. I'll just have to take these things slowly or just leave it there until En lanun is back. And that's another a month and a half. And as I stated before, bukan nak merungut or anything, watching her grow every day infront of me, knowing she's going to be someone when she's older with my guidance, when she hugs me & kisses me fiercely and holds me like she never wanna let go, is really worth every minutes of it. This is just me, sharing my everyday experience with my life and my girl. And looking back, I have a lot more to learn and learn, to be a better mother to my kid(s), soon :)

I haven't heard from En lanun for 2 days now, and it started to make me worried sick. He can't contact me because his account has been frozen since last week because the bill's almost rm600 and the minimum payment to open the line back is rm300 something. I wanna use the credit card but the payment centre at Manjung only receive cash. So he can't contact or sms me or even receive calls and sms. We usually talk to each other via YM or skype, but until today I haven't heard a word from him. Don't even reply my emails. I just prayed that nothing bad happened to him, maybe he's just too busy or going for a site visit where he can't use the computer or something like that. Right now it's 8.30 am Sunday over there, maybe he's still in bed sleeping, maybe I was being worried for nothing. I hope so. Don't wanna think the other way, or any other way.

Couldn't sleep for 2 nights in a row. I don't know why, the first night I think it's because I had gas, I kept tossing left & right feeling uneasiness in my stomach. I rubbed some ointment to my legs, my stomach, my back, and massaged them to ease the wind, but to no avail. And I kept thinking that maybe, if en lanun were there with me, maybe I'll feel better though maybe he can't do anything much but the mere presence of him definitely makes me feel everything is better, easier & less painful. So I cried, like I wanna let go of everything that congested in my head, my mind, my heart. Finally at 4 am I lost the time, maybe I have fell into sleep at that time and when the phone rang at 6.15 am I woke up instantly and the pain in my head was undescribeable. I tried to stand slowly and performed Subuh prayer and groggily fell back onto my bed. Luckily Balqis still sleeping at that time. The 2nd night was just the same, but this time I felt the urged to pee all the time, even if I've just went for 2 minutes. I think it was the first sign that showed my sugar level is high, just like during my first pregnancy. So I went to the toilet and the moment I went back to my bed, I felt the urge again. And again. I think I have to see a doctor soon about this.
I hope time passes quickly, for I didn't how long I can take this anymore. One of my friend advised me to go back to Melaka because with my condition, it's better if my family are around me to take care of me if anything happen. But I've already told her why I don't want to do that and I hope she understand.
Have I told you I've formatted this laptop? Now I can surf the net & do my things with so much ease, I don't ever think I wanna parted with it. But of coz I have to wait until Balqis sleep because whenever she sees me with my laptop, the first thing she will do is point at the on/off button and pling! The laptop went off and all my works lost in the space :)