- Sunday, April 20, 2008

kinda sad, stressed out & frustrated today. why, i can't write here. what, I can't tell here. what can i say is it's just one of the day. I just pray that tomorrow is going to be a better day. just breath in, breath out. in. out. ok, that actually didn't work out very well.
watch Will Smith's The Pursuit of Happyness on Astro tonight. menangis teman dibuatnye. dahlah ceritanya sedih, ditambah plak dgn rasa yg berbuku2 dalam hati teman ni. mmg elok sgtlah tu. korang tgklah nanti bila ada masa. good storyline, penuh dgn mesej2 positif. and watching the movie really make feel i'm so, so much more better than him. far better. so be grateful..

- Friday, April 18, 2008

dh 2 hari x online. Auni dh 3-4 hari tukar rutin dia. siang x nak tido, asyik nk kena dokong pastu bila dh terlelap akak dia plak buat bising. malam, kalau dulu x bangun2 sampai pagi skrg pkl 3-4 pg sure bangun nk nenen. then pkl 6 lebih bangun lagi. itu yg teman rasa cam x cukup tido je.siang x dpt rehat asyik berperang je dgn balqis. Geram ada, nakal ya amat, tp kesian pun ada jadi sasaran asyik kena marah. tu sbb asal mlm budak2 ni tido je teman pun cpt2 tido jgk.balqis tu selagi x pkl 12tgh mlm xdenye nk tido. leth teman melayan kerenahnye.. Kuat melawan plak tu..isk...sedih plak teman tp x tau mcm mana nk handle dia tu. ckp perlahan mmg dh x jalan skrg. dh naik tgn baru dia diam. itupun 5 minit je dia dh start balik mcm x serik. takkan asyik nk pukul je.. jiran teman ari tu dia letak anak dia kt luar (yg sebaya dgn balqis tu ) sbb asyik kacau adik dia dlm buaian. apa lagi menangis menjerit2 budak tu sampai xde suara dkt stgh jam.teman mengintai ajelah, bukan apa takut budak tu pengsan plak kt luar. last2 mak dia kasi masuk jgk. he he. mcm2 cara nk ngajar anak.

- Monday, April 14, 2008

Tidur dah Auni & Akish. baru pkl 10 lebih td dh lelap dh. Biasanye 'bergaduh' nk tidurkan dua-dua tu :) tp Auni pun kjp2 bangun td. Teman makan aiskrim ptg td...kembung la tu. Akish pun bangun kjp td mintak susu. Teman trim sket rambut Auni di tepi & blkg sbb kalau dia berpeluh tu merah2 jadinye leher dia. badan sihat plak tu. Pastu nampak muka dia mcm boyish plak he he. Kemaruk nk baby boy la tu :)

Teman tukar air akuarium td. barulah nampak 'selesa' sket ikan2 tu nk bernafas ;) ini semua balqis punye pasal la tuang makanan ikan tu sampai abis suku botol. Naik muntah2 ikan tu tgk makanan byk sgt ( acah je ). tp lampunye xnak menyala lah. agaknye mentol dh terbakar.


nantilah esok2 teman gi kedai beli anak ikan & mentol tu. teman ingat nk start wira & bawak jln2 sekitar taman ni je tp tiba2 x bleh start. pelik sungguh. apa bunyi pun xde. ni masalah bateri kot.. tp baru tukar 2 bln lepas. teman mmg nk check air bateri 3-4 hari lps tp pelik sket bentuk skru baterinye, teman punx tau mcm mana nk bukak so teman just start ajelah, x bwk jln2 pun. entahlah. tunggu en lanun baliklah nanti baru settlekan.


- Sunday, April 06, 2008

En lanun dh sampai London pkl 11 mlm td. Alhamdulillah... semuanya selamat. Mereka kt sana lebih kurg 7 jam lewat dr kita. pkl 1 pm td kt sana baru pkl 6 am. en lanun msg kata dia first time tgk salji turun depan mata... bestnye...Tgk kt intellicast.com suhu kt sana -1 drjh celcius...sejuk tu. Expected some snow & showers.

Agak2nye time mcm ni diaorg ada x ingat pepatah; "Hujan batu di negeri sendiri, hujan emas di negeri org, lebih baiklah negeri sendiri".. he he...

- Saturday, April 05, 2008

En lanun dh naik flight pkl 10 pg td. teman pun x sure berapa jam akan sampai ke Luton, but hopefully he arrives safe & sound, insya Allah and had enough rest before starting the course on Monday. So difficult seeing him packing his bags the other night, and so hard to let him go. Teman mmg mcm tu lah, x suka ditinggalkan mcm ni tp apa nk buat, org kata dah bini askar mcm tu lah. Balqis meraung2 nak ikut abah dia. teman pujuk lah nanti gi jln2 naik kereta kita mkn aiskrim. buat drama plak dia.. jiran2 pun ada dok tgk. teman takut teman plak yg menangis sama nanti. dlm umah dh nangis dh.
This 3 weeks are gonna be difficult & demanding, I know. Taking care of 2 small kids are very, how should I say, mencabar kesabaran. Although usually I'm the one whose going through all the trouble every night when it's time to sleep because, Balqis usually wanted me to sleep her, and Now that I have Auni it's kinda difficult to concentrate on Balqis only. Usually they both will cry & screaming for a good 2 hours, and then like a magic they both will fall asleep at the same time. Sorg nk suruh duduk sblh dia bobokkan, tepuk2 peha dia, yg lagi sorg x suka duduk, suka kena dokong sambil jln2. After they both asleep I'll be so exhausted I thought I could sleep but then again, the sleepiness has gone. Terkebil2 ngadap siling. En lanun said what to do, the kids don't need him and I looked like I could handle everything myself. But I need him. Guess the strong face I put up front deceived him.
Teman dh plan apa nk buat utk isi masa sepanjang ketiadaan En lanun ni. Teman ingat nk habiskan 2-3 novel yg en lanun belikan masa kt US dulu. then nk kemas baju2 di bilik bawah & atas. then nk baca majalah2 yg teman beli tp asyik x abis baca sbb sorok dr Balqis sampai naik terlupa. apa lagi yek. hmm. surf internet ( after the kids sleep ) sampai nk termuntah. ha ha. oklah tu. pejam celik pejam celik baliklah en lanun.
Teman dh call kedai gambar yg offer kerja designer tu. I said I had to refuse his offer. I said to him I was just being realistic, for I could get more than that just by staying at home and I wish him good luck with finding a designer, though I'm sure he or she will never be as good as me. ahak. masuk lif tekan sendiri. But then again, it's not about money. Never. How could I sacrife everything I have now for my own passion. That sounds selfish, right? Looking at my 2 daughthers now, sleeping so peacefully, I know I could. I have to. I have to let go.
Hari nk hujan. teman nk gi angkat baju.

- Tuesday, April 01, 2008

khas utk tatapan jea...since u can't open fp at ur office (",) here's a picture of Auni.


Yesterday I went to Lumut to buy a few things. Saw an ad for designer at this one photo shop. I came in and asked about the job, said they really wanted a designer ASAP so I applied and filled up the form. last night the owner called me and said, well he wanted to recruit me but the salary I asked was a bit too high(rm1,500). Come to think of it, what I demand is really too high for their standard, just a small photo shop at Lumut but that's what I thought would suit me if I wanna leave the house to work. So he said the best he can do is take me for a month to see my performance and he offered me rm800. hmmph. Barely enough for my own expenditure, and a bit too low than my expectation. Teman dah kira2. Duit keta + minyak dh rm500. bil hp maybe rm100. hantar 2 anak kt org dlm rm250. Itu je dh rm850. blum campur duit pampers dgn susu utk 2 org. Auni plak tpaksa bercerai susu. baik teman dok umah...
entahlah kalau ingat2kan minat designing ni mmg teman rela keje walau x dibayar gaji tp itu kalau teman sorg.. skrg teman ada perkara lain yg perlu diambil kira sekali. Nak kata nyesal resign dulu, dh terlambat skrg. mmg lambat laun akan terpaksa pindah sini jgk.
Argghh....Dilema...

- Friday, March 28, 2008


today is my girl balqis' 2nd birthday..Happy birthday my dearest... moga dipanjangkan umur, sihat, & membesar jadi anak yg baik, insya Allah...
aa? nk kek? eh budak kecik mana bleh mkn kek...x baik utk kesihatan *kedekutnye mak abah dia*

- Tuesday, March 25, 2008

yesterday I chatted with my senior from my old school. He suggested that I visit his wife's website- she's doing bussiness from home, amik upah sulaman manik. very nice work, and it gave me an idea of how I could improve my own miserable life. she also offers lessons on saturday & sunday for those whose interested unfotch it's for those living in Kl only. but that didn't stop me from thinking something else, i could take lessons here too, tp bukan sulaman manik la. sulaman biasa pd baju tu. kalau x silap teman ada nampak kt manjung, kelas menyulam. nanti nk ajak en lanun gi survey lah. kalau jadi, bleh ajak adik teman yg tgh belajar kt ukm tu dtg sini bulan 5 nanti dia cuti sem. bleh jaga anak2 teman. harap2 menjadilah.. kinda bored living this life doing nothing with my own self. kalau dh pandai bleh amik tempahan. wah bestnye :)

bleh teman hulur2 duit kt mak abah teman. sian diaorg..

- Monday, March 24, 2008

Lagi 2 minggu En lanun kena gi outstation kat Luton, UK. 3 minggu dia pegi kursus kt sana. hu hu.. kena tinggal lagi.
Kawan teman, azie due bersalin hujung bulan depan. teman doakan dia selamat... insya Allah. lupa nk bgtau 15hb ari tu adik teman bertunang dengan org mersing, yati. insya Allah ikat setahun. teman x gi, sbb en lanun x dpt cuti lagipun tempatnye jauh & x baik sgt utk baby kecik cam Auni. xpelah nanti dia kawin teman pegi lah...
kawan teman farhana yg tgh sambung study kt UK pun baru dpt 2nd baby. Anak pertama dia Fikriyah Auni, kebetulan namanye sama dgn baby teman tp masa cari nama tu x tau pun nama baby dia ada Auni jgk sbb selalu panggil fikriyah aje. xpelah.. bukan terserempak pun. masa teman nk cari nama punyelah susah sbb En lanun nk amik initial A.Z sempena nama arwah babah ( Ahmad Zakaria ) abis semua kitab bukak. tp kwn teman kt kg tu ( bersalin 2 minggu lps teman ) letak nama anak dia selamba je, something sazzy ( ala ala Sazzy Falak ) xde makna pun..padahal bapak dia tok imam kt kg tu.
he he ntah le masing2 punye pendapat...

Labels: - Friday, March 21, 2008

a bit dusty here, lama x menulis. sibuk... fyi teman dh bersalin 2 bulan yg lepas pd 9.01.08. dpt baby girl.. no surprise there ;) and my good friend iera also gave birth to her beautiful baby girl Nur Ayna Maisara the next day 10.01.08. awal 17 hari... mmg kalau nk kenangkan balik nk tergelak jgk teman dibuatnye. Hampir2 je teman bersalin kt dlm keta kancil sedare teman. aduh... teman dh mula rasa semacam pagi2 tu tp disebabkan xde pengalaman ( kira ni pengalaman sakit bersalin sulung ) since masa balqis dulu teman guna epidural, x rasa apa. sampai dh mlm rasa x tahan sgt sbb rasa cam nkbuang air besar tp x jadi last2 mak teman kata ni mmg dh sakit nk bersalin ni.. betul2 malam 1 muharram. apa lagi sepupu teman memecut keta kancil tu dh mcm F1, sampai kt masjid al azim ( the hospital is just a few metres away ) air ketuban dh pecah. aduh... pelik betl rasanye. mmg kuyup la dibuatnye. sampai je kt tpt kecemasan tu budak atendan hosp tolak teman naik kerusi roda sambil berlari sbb dh nk bersalin sgt dh. sampai kt wad bersalin, naik je katil dlm labour room tu terus teran dh alhamdulillah baby pun terus keluar... no complication. baby sihat, skrg dh masuk 2 bln stgh. aktif, tp mmg mudah nk jaga compared to balqis masa baby dulu. tido pun lebih lama, mlm2 xde lah berjaga. kena cucuk hari tu pun x demam. alhamdulillah..

as for myself, skrg tgh struggle dgn a few xtra weight esp at specific area. battle of the bulge la ni... my weight is ok, 55kg tp tpt2 yg x diingini tu alahai susah betul nk turunkan. exercise la jgk buat crunches sit up itu ini mkn nasi pun sekali je sehari, and usually half from what I usually eat. but i breastfeed my baby so it's kinda difficult not to eat, as i felt hungry all the time. insya Allah kena jgk jaga badan ni.. for my own health & my beloved hubby, of course :)


oh, btw, my baby's name is Auni Zulaikha bte Mohd Khalid...

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