[ background music: Lonely by Akon ]
en lanun belayar ari ni. for 2 weeks. and he just been away for a few hours I've already felt so, so lonely. of course with balqis with me all my attention is on her but now when she's asleep, lying so peacefully on her matress covered with her daddy's kain pelekat, i felt so alone. this is the 3rd time he had to go for excercise after balqis was born. the 1st time was 7 days, when we first moved into this house, the 2nd time also for a week when balqis was 8-9 months old. this time it's longer- 2 weeks. after that he works as usual for a week and then off to Teluk Sepanggar, Sabah for at least 6 weeks. then if everything works as plan, he'll attend a course in US for 3 months. don't know what will i do at that time, maybe i'll spend most of the time at melaka if i haven't got any job at that time. i've applied a job as HR exec at Malayan Flour Mill here at lumut, i really hope i'll get the job not only to fill my spare time, it's also will be a good addition to our budget. after i applied en lanun and i discussed the possibility if i get the job how to manage the house chores and balqis. he then asked
me what will i buy with the money and when i answered (it's a long list ), he actually stop talking for a long time. then he said, he hope i'll get the job so that i can fulfill my own necessities, because at this time being he just couldn't afford to buy it all for me. it touched me, really, for he had to swallow his pride and ego to say and admit that to me and so i said, not to just ease his mind but the truth is, he had done so much for me that i thought i couldn't ask for more. whatever it is that i dream to buy is just my personal inner thought, being out of job for so long and so used to have my own money in my hand, i think it's not wrong if i wanted all those things i want. i deserve it, that's all i think. he can give me everything but not now, i do understand that that's why i never push him or demand anything that's too much from him. i think my chances are pretty good,considering not many people want to work this far. will do my best if i get the interview, i promise myself silently.
balqis has changes a bit. well, a lot actually. dah pandai merajuk kalau x ikut cakap dia or if she doesn't get what she wanted. she'll stomped her feet and cried loudly with tears running so fast, people will think that we are hurting her. and the second she gets what she wants, all the crying and stomping gone so fast, all that's left was the smile so sweet, it must be the victory smile. she also reacted when i raised my voice, or when i talked softly she looks at me right in the eyes like
she understand what i'm saying before she turned back and continues doing whatever she's doing before that. so far she obeyed en lanun's command better than me, don't know why.
i've thought of what to do while en lanun was away but right now my mind is blank, so full with his face and voices and everything, i just have to sit down doing nothing and let my mind wandering far to the south china sea where he's now. what he's doing, has he eat, what he's wearing, etc. so used to have him around me, it's a bit awkward not to see him. but his everywhere, of course, i just need a few days to get myself together and then i'll be good. looks like tonight i might share the kain pelekat with balqis *sigh*
miss u hon.a lot.