Today was a long journey for me, Balqis and definitely En Lanun. I woke up at 1.30 am and went straight to the kitchen to prepare something to eat in the car on our way. Balqis heard me fussing around in the kitchen and woke up so I just took her and after finished with the food I bathed her and after that had a shower myself. I put on nice clothes on her. Pity her, still looked a bit sleepy. After that I gently hold En lanun's hand and whispered that we had to prepare now because the driver will come soon to pick us up. He got up, took his bath and had double checked all his luggages, his passport and visa and everything are all packed up.

The driver arrived at 3.oo am sharp, as promised. The journey was smooth, Balqis slept almost through all the way until we arrived at KLIA at 6.08 am. We looked for the check in counter and the process took almost 45 minutes despite there weren't so many people at that time. So while waiting I went to the surau with Balqis and performed solat Subuh. After he finished he went to the surau and after that we all went to McD for breakfast. I preferred to eat nasi lemak but he said it costs more here so McD is a good alternatif. Not long after that his sister Kak Ros arrived with my in-law parents. We had breakfast, chatted a lot and although I was sitting next to him the whole time I felt already he's so far away and I thought I could never get enough of him. Since he talked alot with his sister & his parents I just sat there quietly watching him eating, his face, his hands, his ears, everything. The emotion inside was really, tumbling upside down but i tried to keep myself calm right until the moment he inside the boarding area. He kissed me on my forehead, kissed Balqis all over. She seemed alright, still have no idea of what was happening around her. We all waved at him while he went down the escalator. I almost cried... and then I just lost him in the crowd. Just my love and prayers for his safety and wellbeing all through his journey and during the course. It's going to be tough for him since this is his first time going to oversea to a country so stranger to him but I know he can do it; he always did no matter where he go whatever he do, he always do his best.
After that K ros sent my parents in law to Pudu to take a bus back to Melaka. I tried to contact the ZL driver but hi didn't pick up so I just sent a msg saying I'm done here and asked him when can he come and pick me up. I went to the special room for nappy changes ( Balqis has pooed ) and after that I breastfed her until she fell asleep. Lenguh jugak memangku dia, 10kg++ tau :) anyway at 9.15 the driver called me and said he's on the way to pick me but the traffic from Ampang to KLIA is quite heavy so it might took him 1 hour++ to get there. I said it's ok I'll wait for him. At least Balqis had one hour sleep, that will keep her quiet and not bugging me so much. The driver arrived at 10.30 am, we went straight home to Manjung. I felt a bit tired and hungry since Balqis breastfed all the way through the journey and everytime I tried to disengaged from her she cried and refused to do so. I changed her diaper again, performed Zohor prayer and tried to sleep but of course it's impossible when Balqis was not sleeping too so I laid her down or her matress, breastfed her (again) and soon she fell asleep, so did I. After one hour or so I woke up, took a bath, performed Asar prayer and started cooking something for dinner. Soon Balqis stirred and cried, I took her up but suprised to felt how hot she was. I tried to put her into the cradle and she slept again. Pity her.. must because she was so tired riding back and forth in the car. That night was a disaster, as expected. I hadn't sleep at all since she cried maybe feeling uneasy with her hot body. I had given her medicine and wet her hair with air asam jawa hoping she'll get better in the morning.
I thought I was ok, but I was wrong. The moment I stepped into the house, it suddenly hit me that my dearest husband is not here, on his way so far away from me and Balqis. The house suddenly felt too huge for the two of us. I tried not to cry, he'll come home soon but it didn't worked out. It didn't ease my mind. If I'm writing this on a piece of paper, you might not be able to read what I've been writing now. The tears must have smudged all the ink and everything would be blurred. Just like the way I felt inside. Maybe it just my hormon. He would be devastated if he knew I behaved like this. Bini askar dgn anak askar mesti kuat, he said :) I will, hon. I will.
Today Balqis is much better. I tried to stop Balqis from breastfeeding, as my mother urges me cause it's not good for me and the baby. So I tried. She woke up at 2.00 pm and I fed her with rice, omelette and veggy soup but she only ate 3-4 spoon. After that she started to poke me and wanted to breastfeed. I said no, I gave her eveyrthing- milk, milo, apple, but she refused all that and cried and cried. I tried to persuade her, hold her up, singing lullaby but she kept on crying. Finally after 1 hour 45 minutes she stopped as I fried some keropok lekor and she ate 3-4 slices. And then I made her watched tv, gave her a lot of water, so far so good. Later that evening I bathed her and took her out to play with my next door neighbour's kids. When we came back into the house I fed her again with rice and the veggie soup and she ate about 10 spoons. Then I quickly performed my prayer, cited Yassin and I noticed she's getting more quiet and her eyes getting red. Then I took my dinner and while I ate she laid down onto her matress and soon I found she's already fell asleep. Alhamdulillah... This is the longest time she hasn't breastfeed. We'll see how she's doing tonight. Hope she'll understand that this is the only way for me to stop her. I've read all about how to stop breastfeeding and all answers pointed out one thing: Let her cry. So that's what I'll do. Prayed so Allah will make me more patient about all this, insya Allah...


ira said...

huhu.. i am so sad when i read this blog.. n i understand so much bout your feeling.. i missed my hubby too.. huhu.. but believe me.. everything will be ok soon.. juz be a lit bit stronger, dear.. ganbatte!

ribbit said...

thnx iera. biase le, hormon ;p try to keep myself busy so that I won't think about him too much but everything and everywhere I look, will remind me of him even more *sigh* absence makes love more fonder, right?

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