I couldn't believe my eyes my I noticed something not quite right with one of my fishes, oscar. Sure enough, when i got a closer look I found out it was trying to swallow another fish- the shark! gosh, the poor shark fish was half way into the oscar's mouth, who had some difficulties to swallow it because the shark was quite big. I was afraid it's going to choke to death because from the time I first noticed that was at 7 pm and until the time I went to the bus station to send my mother, it's still there. Luckily when I came back oscar was done, because I've thought I might pull the shark out incase it still stuck in oscar's mouth.

look at this pictures from side. can you see the shark's tail coming out from its mouth?front view
Another picture

this past week had been so hard for me. Balqis' fever and coughing got so bad, until I had to take her to the hospital @ 3.30 am because she's burning and I just so afraid something might happen to her if I should wait until morning. The medical assistant inserted the pill into her bottom and told me to come again at 9 am to check on her condition. She's still hot that morning and when I arrived they took some blood from her hand. Pity her, I had to hold her because she cried and trying to wiggle herself because of the pain. After one hour the result came in and the doctor said there's nothing wrong with her, which means no infection or dengue or something like that so he told me to take her home, give a lot of water and continue the medicine they prescribed. Alhamdulillah... I've already packed a few of her things just in case she had to be hospitalized. I myself was not very well until today with running nose and constant headache. My mom came all the way from Melaka because she's worried about our condition and me especially with my pregnancy.

Today she's getting better, the temperature had reduced but the coughing is still there. But I was more concern about her appetite because she hardly eat at all, no matter what I cooked for her. Before this she ate whatever I served her, and I suspected this might have someting to do with her gum. I think, her teeth are showing therefore the gum must be tender to allow the tooth to grow. And you know how painful that is. I just hope I can make it all easier and less painful for her.. right now she just got her nutrition from the formula milk, and that's the best she can do. I know it's not enough because her body already 'shrinking' and all my neighbour said she's too skinny now compared to her previous shape.

I just hope this will past quickly and she'll regain her self back because seeing her right now so hopelessly and weak, I just can't stand it like I can do nothing to help her. Cepatlah sembuh syg....sian mak tgk akish gitu...

just lying on the mattress..

trying to get rid of the bandage

Nowadays everything I eat will leave bad taste in my mouth-fish, chicken, squids, prawns, everything. I also have to be careful not to put too much of toothpaste when I brush my teeth or I'll go uwekk, uwekk and it's not very comfortable feeling. I guess it's coming to me, especially when I'm almost 12 weeks because I remembered when I was first pregnant with Balqis the nausea and uneasiness started just when I entered the 12th week and it continued almost 2 months. It went too bad until I couldn't drive to and back from work, I got dizzy everytime I enter the lift ( my office situated at the 11th floor, so you can imagine whenever I got out of the lift I'll go straight to the toilet to puke. I spent most of the time in the surau, my other 2 colleagues complained that they had to replaced me so many times when the user called for our help. And finally I quit. I guess it's not the smartest decision but it seems right at that time, En lanun too worried about me and asked me to move to Perak with him. That's how I got here, in the first place. But I guess if I didn't quit at that time I'll just have to do the same thing sooner or later, because just 9 months later our house was ready with the CF and everything. Plus I heard the company that bought our software had recently stop from using the software and our service is no longer needed there. I asked my x-colleague about it but he just answered it's all about politics and he just followed what my x-boss said to him. Pity him, now he's assigned to Kolej Islam at Kuala Sg Udang, that place was too far away ( I knew because i've been there before, working on their website and attending meetings with my x- boss ) but at least he still has a job.
I took Balqis to her 2nd last appointment last Wednesday and was suprised to find out that she had lost 700 gms from her last visit to the clinic. Now she weighted merely 8.9 kg. I noticed that lately she always wanted to eat by herself but the problem is, more food fell off to the floor than into her mouth and she refused to let me feed her. I also didn't make as much milk as I used to, that could be the other factor. But right now she has adjusted her tastebud :) and allow me to fed her with other spoon, and she still want to hold her own spoon. She also seems very much like the formula milk I bought for her. Now it's been more than 1 week she stop breastfeeding and so far she took the formula milk very well. Alhamdulillah.. Now I can have a much longer sleeping time, I have enough sleep and rest but it all might change soon, who knows. Kids. Just look at this picture below trying to wear my heel and walked around the house like she's so used to it.

Today was a long journey for me, Balqis and definitely En Lanun. I woke up at 1.30 am and went straight to the kitchen to prepare something to eat in the car on our way. Balqis heard me fussing around in the kitchen and woke up so I just took her and after finished with the food I bathed her and after that had a shower myself. I put on nice clothes on her. Pity her, still looked a bit sleepy. After that I gently hold En lanun's hand and whispered that we had to prepare now because the driver will come soon to pick us up. He got up, took his bath and had double checked all his luggages, his passport and visa and everything are all packed up.

The driver arrived at 3.oo am sharp, as promised. The journey was smooth, Balqis slept almost through all the way until we arrived at KLIA at 6.08 am. We looked for the check in counter and the process took almost 45 minutes despite there weren't so many people at that time. So while waiting I went to the surau with Balqis and performed solat Subuh. After he finished he went to the surau and after that we all went to McD for breakfast. I preferred to eat nasi lemak but he said it costs more here so McD is a good alternatif. Not long after that his sister Kak Ros arrived with my in-law parents. We had breakfast, chatted a lot and although I was sitting next to him the whole time I felt already he's so far away and I thought I could never get enough of him. Since he talked alot with his sister & his parents I just sat there quietly watching him eating, his face, his hands, his ears, everything. The emotion inside was really, tumbling upside down but i tried to keep myself calm right until the moment he inside the boarding area. He kissed me on my forehead, kissed Balqis all over. She seemed alright, still have no idea of what was happening around her. We all waved at him while he went down the escalator. I almost cried... and then I just lost him in the crowd. Just my love and prayers for his safety and wellbeing all through his journey and during the course. It's going to be tough for him since this is his first time going to oversea to a country so stranger to him but I know he can do it; he always did no matter where he go whatever he do, he always do his best.
After that K ros sent my parents in law to Pudu to take a bus back to Melaka. I tried to contact the ZL driver but hi didn't pick up so I just sent a msg saying I'm done here and asked him when can he come and pick me up. I went to the special room for nappy changes ( Balqis has pooed ) and after that I breastfed her until she fell asleep. Lenguh jugak memangku dia, 10kg++ tau :) anyway at 9.15 the driver called me and said he's on the way to pick me but the traffic from Ampang to KLIA is quite heavy so it might took him 1 hour++ to get there. I said it's ok I'll wait for him. At least Balqis had one hour sleep, that will keep her quiet and not bugging me so much. The driver arrived at 10.30 am, we went straight home to Manjung. I felt a bit tired and hungry since Balqis breastfed all the way through the journey and everytime I tried to disengaged from her she cried and refused to do so. I changed her diaper again, performed Zohor prayer and tried to sleep but of course it's impossible when Balqis was not sleeping too so I laid her down or her matress, breastfed her (again) and soon she fell asleep, so did I. After one hour or so I woke up, took a bath, performed Asar prayer and started cooking something for dinner. Soon Balqis stirred and cried, I took her up but suprised to felt how hot she was. I tried to put her into the cradle and she slept again. Pity her.. must because she was so tired riding back and forth in the car. That night was a disaster, as expected. I hadn't sleep at all since she cried maybe feeling uneasy with her hot body. I had given her medicine and wet her hair with air asam jawa hoping she'll get better in the morning.
I thought I was ok, but I was wrong. The moment I stepped into the house, it suddenly hit me that my dearest husband is not here, on his way so far away from me and Balqis. The house suddenly felt too huge for the two of us. I tried not to cry, he'll come home soon but it didn't worked out. It didn't ease my mind. If I'm writing this on a piece of paper, you might not be able to read what I've been writing now. The tears must have smudged all the ink and everything would be blurred. Just like the way I felt inside. Maybe it just my hormon. He would be devastated if he knew I behaved like this. Bini askar dgn anak askar mesti kuat, he said :) I will, hon. I will.
Today Balqis is much better. I tried to stop Balqis from breastfeeding, as my mother urges me cause it's not good for me and the baby. So I tried. She woke up at 2.00 pm and I fed her with rice, omelette and veggy soup but she only ate 3-4 spoon. After that she started to poke me and wanted to breastfeed. I said no, I gave her eveyrthing- milk, milo, apple, but she refused all that and cried and cried. I tried to persuade her, hold her up, singing lullaby but she kept on crying. Finally after 1 hour 45 minutes she stopped as I fried some keropok lekor and she ate 3-4 slices. And then I made her watched tv, gave her a lot of water, so far so good. Later that evening I bathed her and took her out to play with my next door neighbour's kids. When we came back into the house I fed her again with rice and the veggie soup and she ate about 10 spoons. Then I quickly performed my prayer, cited Yassin and I noticed she's getting more quiet and her eyes getting red. Then I took my dinner and while I ate she laid down onto her matress and soon I found she's already fell asleep. Alhamdulillah... This is the longest time she hasn't breastfeed. We'll see how she's doing tonight. Hope she'll understand that this is the only way for me to stop her. I've read all about how to stop breastfeeding and all answers pointed out one thing: Let her cry. So that's what I'll do. Prayed so Allah will make me more patient about all this, insya Allah...

This new laptop is soooo slow, it's really killing me. En lanun said maybe its need to be formatted but reformatting a laptop is not as easy as with pc, so I heard. Anyway beggers can't be choosers so I just have to be more patient.
We just got back from kg yesterday. At first En lanun said maybe we don't have to go back this month but considering he's going away for 3 months so it's better to go back and meet his parents as well as mine. They all said I should stay back but thanks, no thanks. I'm more comfortable living in my own house even if it's only me and Balqis.
I had some difficulty to sign in to Yahoo mail and messenger, I don't know why. I thought it's only me but when I tried to login with En lanun's id the samething happened, wrong id or the password's not match. Maybe I'll try later.