It's Friday again. Lanun was supposed to fly to Subang today, spend one night there and fly back here on Saturday but there's one ceremony today so they decided to do the sortie tomorrow. This Sunday all muslims will be celebrating Ramadhan, a month full of berkat and it's a month I've been waiting for- to lose some weight *giggles*. You see, I'm breastfeeding so I eat all the time. Although I'm not quite sure if I can manage to fast the whole month, I'll try to make the most of it. I'll wear the bengkung that I used to wear after I gave birth because it hold my stomach so tight, I won't be hungry too much.
Ever since I started to be pregnant and gave birth, many things have changed. The most prominent changes is, my body *sigh* gosh, I never thought my hips can be this large. I knew they'll grow bigger in order to make way for my baby but though easy to expand, it's not that easy to shrink back to it's normal size. All of my jeans are now a history- good news for my sister because now she can wear them without asking my permission first. Also long gone are my red & grey punjabi suit, 3-4 blouses, all my favourites are not mine now- coz I couldn't fit any of themnow. Now I just wear baju kurung or kurung kedah. But it's not really a bad news coz now I got a new wardrobe with pants, slacks, jeans and blouses that my dearest hubby bought for me after seeing me struggled and staring so long in the closet thinking about which one should I wear when he asked me out for shopping or sight seeing because, well, basically there're not many to choose from. But I swear I'm going to fight back for what are mine- my favourite Edwin white jeans and that red punjabi suit that my sister wore so proudly infront of me. Siaplah...
Other things that changed is, my priority. Which is, no doubt about it- my baby girl balqis. Even before she's born, there're no longer 'me', it's always 'she,she,she'. I think I haven't had enough sleep for over a year now. During my pregnancy, my sleep is disturbed by that frequent visit to the bathroom ( that's why she's born with thick hair), backache and the difficulty to breath ( sometimes ). Doctor said it's normal. Yeah sure I knew it's normal but what I want to hear is how am I going to go through the period without so much pain. And then she was born. The first two weeks is quite ok but after that, sleeping at night is almost impossible. She cried a lot, maybe because then she realized she's not in my womb anymore, not feeling the safety & comfortness she's so used to. And now, although she only awake when she's hungry about 2-3 times, sometimes she just don't fall back into sleep and smiling with her eyes so wide and shiny, I just couldn't stand to be mad at her coz she's so cute! So I'll try my best to play with her & sometimes fall back to sleep while she plays by herself. Quite dangerous at this time because she's moving backward now, so she could be rolling off her mattress to the floor ( happened before ). Once she learned how to walk, I better make my eyes open or I might regret if something bad happen to her.
And between taking care of my baby and managing this 2 storey house, I don't even have time for myself. I've read all about post-natal depression so I tried so hard not to be that and learns how to manage everything slowly & wisely. The first few weeks without my mother helping me, it's quite depressing and difficult for me. I longed to have a 15 minutes ( at least ) in the shower without being disturbed by her crying suddenly. Now I could have a decent shower time because I learned her way- when she should wake up, when to feed her, when's her sleeping time, therefore I could manage my own time to do my things. I just hope I stay healthy to take care of her and loved her as much as I can, coz I cpuldn't imagine my life without her.
Happy Ramadhan to all of us.